Should Parents Encourage the Boyfriend-Girlfriend Connection in Grade School?

Grade school is no place for boyfriend-girlfriend relationships. Children between the ages of five and thirteen have more appropriate and important areas on which to focus their energies and attention.

These are the years when the young people are learning basic educational skills: reading, writing, mathematics and the social sciences. Unfortunately for some children, this may be the only opportunity they have to achieve the literacy and numeracy ability they are going to need throughout life. Parents need to see that their children concentrate on learning as much as they can during these vital educational years.

Through the elementary school years, each child should be planning his or her future career. Gone are the days when a girl need only plan to become a wife and mother. In today's society, everyone needs to have sufficient practical skills to earn a living and support a family. With half of all marriages ending in divorce, either parent may become the sole head of a family and principal breadwinner.

By the end of Grade Eight, children should have at least a general idea of which career path they will follow, so they can choose appropriate courses for high school. Wise parents will pay close attention to their child's ability level, strengths and weaknesses, likes, dislikes and talents, so they can act as knowledgeable guidance counselors. School personnel can offer helpful advice, but no one knows a child as well as a parent. Elementary school is the time for career planning.

Of course, social skills are important. In the primary grades, children will relate to one another as friends, but are more likely to play with others of their own sex. The little boys like toy soldiers and baseball, while little girls are playing dolls and skipping. Parents should not interfere and try to force boys and girls to pair up in couples. Each child should be allowed to enjoy his or her childhood.

In the middle grades, the sexes seem to take an active dislike for each other. This is the period during which getting "boy germs" or "girl germs" is about the worst thing that could befall a young member of the the opposite sex. However, to a careful observer, each group of preteens is watching the other warily. A sharp curiosity and vague attraction is beginning to develop. Wise parents will allow nature to proceed at its own speed.

During the senior years of elementary school, Grades Seven and Eight, the antipathy of earlier years has disappeared and group activities are the order of the day. There will be movie parties, beach parties, co-ed sports teams, class outings and school trips. The girls do a lot of whispering and giggling, while the boys show off and punch each other in the arms or torso.

There will be school dances and maybe a graduation ball but there are not, as yet, many "committed" couples. The boys and girls are learning to relate to each other as friends and that is a healthy progression of events. Parents should not interfere.

As wise parents attend the graduation of their child from Grade Eight, they will be proud witnesses of his or her academic success, and they will have a good idea of which courses the young person should schedule for high school, in preparation for their chosen career.

They will have the pleasure and satisfaction or watching their adolescent mix equally well in social situations with peers of both sexes. They will be very glad they did not encourage a premature boyfriend-girlfriend connection while their child was still in grade school.

High school awaits with experiences, problems, and challenges of its own, one of which may very well be a specific boyfriend-girlfriend connection. Both the parents and young adult will be better equipped to handle it because they followed nature's timetable and approached the threshold to romance in a gradual and timely manner.