Should Parents Use Punishment to Enforce Religion?

When I was very young - only eight years old - I made the decision to not be a Christian any longer. I simply did not believe in God the way my church and family did. It wasn't that I was not educated about Christianity. On the contrary, I went to Sunday school and church every weekend and my mother's family was very religious as Southern Baptists often are.

I was a little afraid to tell my family this. I remember once telling my grandmother that I did not want to be a Christian because I did not believe in God and she gave me a frightened look and told me that that was not something that I should tell people. She was worried that someone might find out, as though I would get into trouble and be punished for it. Instead of encouraging me to rethink my decision, she made me feel as though it was something that I had to hide.

As I got older, my parents gradually found out that I hated going to church, but because I was so young, they thought that it was a phase that I might be going through. As I progressed into my teenage years, however, my disinterest in Christianity became the central focus of my family. My father said unkind things. My Grandmother constantly harped on me about God and Christ and bought a Bible for me every year for my birthday. I had many of my belongings confiscated such as books with fantasy themes, because my parents felt that unicorns and fairies were the cause of my blasphemous disbelief. I was even forbidden to have certain friends - good people who had absolutely nothing to do with my choice (or lack thereof) of religion. I felt nothing but anger and resentment from all sides and I was utterly alone.

When I was fifteen, I discovered Wicca. My parents later believed that I was taught about Wicca by one of my friends, but the truth is that I simply discovered a book in a bookstore by complete and utter chance. Anyone that I know who is Pagan to this day learned from me or was introduced to it by me. I was fascinated with the book that I found and I purchased it on the spot.

Of course I had to hide my book. I was terrified of what would happen to it and to me if my parents found out. I hid the book backwards in my overstuffed bookshelf so that the title could not be read and therefore might be ignored. Later, I began hiding it completely behind the books themselves after my little brother came into my room looking for a book. I actually was able to hide my religion for years before coming out to my parents after moving out. Now, of course, they are completely accepting, but it took a long time for me to get to that point and I dealt with a lot of fear.

Though I am no longer Wiccan, I now own and run a popular website dedicated to teaching Wicca and Paganism (www.witch-crafted.com). Unfortunately, Wicca draws most widely on young people - mostly teenage girls - so I receive hundreds of e-mails from young people asking how they can hide it from their parents. They talk of punishments that they have received and will receive. Some are grounded, others are forbidden to have certain friends. Some teenagers are yelled at or locked in their rooms, allowed out only for meals. Others are forced to go to church or to say prayers and ask for forgiveness. In some extreme cases, a few have been sent away to therapy camps or put through mental institutions by extremely Christian parents who simply cannot fathom how a person cannot be Christian and therefore something must be terribly wrong with their child. It is amazing the huge number of kids who live in fear of persecution by their families because of their religion.

Of course, I can see the point of view from both sides. Parents believe in their own religion very strongly and being parents, they want what is best for their children. A Christian parent might feel fear for their child's immortal soul should something happen to that child. No Christian parent wants to believe that their child will go to Hell. Few Christians can even fathom someone believing any other religion because they believe so strongly in God and the Bible.

It's important to remember, however, that punishment is not the answer. A person cannot be swayed into believing something by being punished. Christianity is about love and acceptance and showing children fear or anger for their beliefs will not teach them to be a Christian. Love and acceptance are the only answers.

Punishment instills resentment. It does not instill love. Being negative with children will only turn them even further from a parent's religious choice. Instead, children should be taught by example and hope that they will choose differently. While I believe that everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, a religious parent might think otherwise. Indeed, there are laws in place which protect parents teaching their children their own religion and it is illegal to directly preach or proselytize to an underage person without the parent's consent.

It is very important to remember that you cannot force a person to believe something. You can only be a good example and hope that your children will follow in your footsteps. If they choose not to, do not punish your children or disown them. Religion can be a fickle thing and your child may one day come back around to your own beliefs. Always teach with love, kindness and a good example and you will find that you have a loving and trusting relationship with your child that will last for the rest of your lives.