Should You Respond When an Ex-boyfriend Contacts You?

Ending a relationship often takes its toll on both parties involved. While many ex-couples eventually get over their break-up and move on, some do not find it as easy to let go. Should you respond when an ex-boyfriend contacts you?

What is the Purpose of Their Call?

When it has been a decade or more since you last saw or heard from an ex-boyfriend, receiving a phone call or message from them on a social network out of the blue can leave you wracking your brains trying to work out why he has decided to contact you.

Unless you have a legitimate tie to your ex-boyfriend, such as children, there is no reason why he should be contacting you. Before you decide to return his messages, ask yourself why he would be contacting you and then make an informed decision.

Make Your Feelings Clear

Hearing from an ex-boyfriend after many months, or even years, can come as quite a shock. Your first thought might be of alarm, or even annoyance that your life has been disrupted by your ex-boyfriend's sudden reappearance.

When the contact is unsolicited and unwanted, do not mince your words or waste time trying to be "nice" to your ex-boyfriend. If you are now married with three beautiful children, make it clear that you have moved on and that you do not desire any further contact. Under such circumstances, the past should definitely stay in the past.

When the Former Relationship was Abusive

If your former relationship was physically, mentally or emotionally abusive hearing back from an ex-boyfriend can be particularly frightening. Remember that under such circumstances, you do not owe your ex-boyfriend a thing. Even if he seems to have turned into a reformed character and a part of you is tempted to see if he has really "changed", do not be misled.

Ignore his phone calls and change your number if the calls persist. If he has left you a message on a social network, such as Facebook, block him so that he does not have any means of contacting you or harassing you again. Stick to your guns and you will feel better about your decision in the long run.

Moving on from a break-up takes time and great effort. But for some, once they have healed and found happiness elsewhere in their personal lives, an ex-boyfriend rears his head. If an ex-boyfriend contacts you, do not immediately feel the need or obligation to respond. Try to work out why they are trying to get in touch and if you do decide to return his message, make your feelings clear. If the former relationship was abusive in any way, there is no reason for you to even consider making contact.

More from this contributor:

How to Make a Clean Break from Your Ex-boyfriend.

How to React If Your Family is Still Friends with Your Ex-boyfriend.

How to Stop Your Ex-boyfriend From Contacting You.