Should I Stay or Should I Go Now?

I hear so many songs about love between two people and how they make you feel. They fit so perfectly sometimes that it's amazing, as if it's talking about your particular relationship. 'Happy' by NeverShoutNever!, is one that gets straight to the point with no complications. The Proclaimers sing 'I'm Gonna Be', and it is a typical, basic, love song about living with one person for the rest of your life, and all the normal things a man does when he is married and in love. The idiosyncrasies of other songs pale before these basic direct love songs. The difference in today's relationships is that the songs made are sincere at that time, but peoples feelings are so subject to quick and abrupt changes that it makes you wonder if there is still dedicated loving relationships that can last forever like these songs. Those of us who are entering the dating world, many of us after prematurely cut-off marriages of several years, are finding it hard to find people who want to commit to us. I have found that dating, relationships, and sexual relations, are not what they were in my day.

Looking for someone specific can turn into a person you'd never find yourself attracted to if you thought it out. But what has not changed is the instant feeling of attraction and connection, no matter what you think you might want, your subconscious is instinct driven and is always right. The scary part is when you wonder if that person is sincere and will continue to be sincere. We're supposed to be able to trust that person we fall in love with to stay loyal and not be subject to wayward thoughts and have a conviction to stay with you. But many people have a problem with that, although some of us feel secure in our chosen mate. I have learned that if someone doesn't want to answer a question, then there's not much to trust unless you want to set yourself up for failure and misery. I have, also, learned to enjoy what I have today and try not to worry about the future. You can plan for the future, just keep in mind nothing is an absolute.

Then there are songs that you find yourself reminiscing about a prior relationship that bombed but put you in an ultimately better place for it's dissolution. Such as, Orentha's song, 'According to You', which reflects on the dissatisfaction of a current boyfriend that loses a girl to a man who is totally infatuated with her and makes her feel worthwhile and valuable. Some of the verses are 'According to you, I'm stupid, useless, I can't do anything right. But according to him, I'm beautiful, incredible, and he can't get me out of his head.' Leona Lewis, 'Better In Time', is another song that reflects on a lost relationship, but reveals that she can go on and deserves to be happy. An oldie by Ace of Base, 'I Saw the Sign', talks about how a woman has shed her unhappy and cruel relationship, and started a new giving relationship with someone else. Many times, loyalty can trap us into a loveless, unproductive relationship, that should have been let go, but has been kept due to other considerations such as children, dependency, and habit. To coin a phrase my son used, "To stay together just for the sake of it."

'Blood', by My Chemical Romance, can be thought of as a song that fits with the idea of total servitude to a husband or wife that are waited on as if they are royalty and they still have something to complain about. "I gave you blood, blood, gallons of the stuff, I gave you that you can drink and it has never be enough!". Sound familiar? Pink, 'So What', gives you a picture of someone who is tired of just settling and ecstatic over being free from a partner who is restraining, difficult, and undependable. The confidence in this song is something that a woman feels after getting over a relationship that hindered her from being herself, giving her all but never receiving it from her boyfriend. The bottom line is that when you enter a relationship, don't become monotonous just because you've been together for so long, because your relationship will become boring, unfulfilling, and loveless. Do things that stimulate new and/or pleasing aspects of your relationship, and expect that from them as well.

Do not stop being yourself, don't change what music you like, activities that you enjoy, your own style of clothing, and your own mindset. If you partner cannot deal with that, then they are not the right partner. Of course, we all have to make compromises, but don't be so drastic that you become what you're not. And don't expect to change your significant other, just introduce them to new experiences and be open to new experiences as long as they don't interfere with your moral compass.