Sibling Birth Order & Personality Traits

I am a spoiled, self absorbed, selfish only child. I admit it. I realize this and acknowledge the fact. I cannot help it. I didn't ask to be born. I didn't ask to be adopted by parents well into middle age-dom or ask to become the center of their universe. I am always quick to admit my faults and they are plentiful, but I will not take credit or blame for the fact that I am spoiled and selfish or that I had no brothers and sisters. I constantly wished I had some while I was growing up lonely and bored. All I ever wanted for Christmas was a little baby brother. I remember wishing for dozens of my own children to make up for the dead calm that was our home growing up. I never got that either.

I am the most intense person I know. Once I get my head wrapped around something, I don't let go, I don't give up and I never fail. I clean my house like a military drill sergeant, I don't do it often; but when I do, every little nook and cranny is scrubbed till it bleeds. If you ever want to know how to recycle an old toothbrush, just bring it over to my house and I will put it to good use on the floorboards. I tend to run a topic into the ground and not shut up about it. I repeat the same line over and over just so I know you heard me. This annoys the hell out of my first born husband, who is luckily not the perfectionist I am, although just as intense in many ways. I am always on time, I hate to make people wait. If I happen to be a few seconds late, I will reprimand myself for weeks afterward. I cannot stand to owe people money -not even a dime- and I will not borrow a cent that I can't pay back immediately. I cant even remember the last time I owed another person money and don't anticipate a time I ever will.

If you happen to be the first born child in your family or worse, an only child, come join this party. Onlies and first borns are the most competitive, fiercely independent, intense, conscientious, volatile, over achieving perfectionists on the planet. And they don't make great marriage partners either. Because all they want to do is win. We want to win every argument there ever was. Nothing was ever good enough for our parents as we grew up, so we are constantly trying to be perfect at everything we do and prove that we, of course, are right about everything. We want to show the other whose boss, right? No one else is going to boss us around ever. We had enough of that as kids. Please don't tell us what to do or how to do it. Even if we know diddly squat about it, we don't want instructions. First borns, don't even try to play a board game with another firstborn or only child. The impulse to win is so strong, you take all the fun right out of the game. You get where I'm going with this, and you know I could go on forever here, but you put 2 people like this together under the same roof and you are asking for trouble.

Parents of firsts and onlies have never had much first hand experience with kids. So they want to do everything by the book. They want to do everything just so-so. They cant stand it when babies milk falls on the floor or the tots bedroom is a mess. The beds must always be made and made to their specifications. They will re-make a bed if its not done just right. At least mine did. If there was one little lump or wrinkle in the bedspread watch out. And the little outfits they made me wore were so Sax Fifth Avenue perfect. God forbid if we were to go out looking like three hippies (Which is just how I turned out anyways) or gypsies; I believe my mother called it.

First borns and onlies are under tremendous pressure to perform and to measure up, by parents who haven't a clue. Its a high stress, low pay job. I chewed my fingernails to the quick to help relieve the stress. 40 some years later I am still chewing. So is my husband. First borns are expected to do things later children are not expected to do. We can run marathons around most people. Partners in this birth order are some of the most volatile, bull-headed people together you will ever meet. Because they could never measure up as a child, the slightest ripple can set them off. If something is not done to perfection, it's not done right. They are constantly trying to prove themselves. Constantly trying to out-do the competition. We are stubborn beyond belief and have a hard time giving in. Plus, we tend to have horrible self esteem issues. It feels like we are never happy with anything we do. We are never satisfied with ourselves. It can make for a lousy marriage, if you are not careful.

In contrast, a middle born child is the peacemaker. The child in this position is always trying to make wrong right. They try to keep situations in check between siblings and parents. They aren't required to be as perfect as their older sibling because at this point the parent knows better. These parents have loosened up a bit and don't expect quite as much from little Johnny now. Little Johnny is therefore somewhat more relaxed by nature. He is still quite responsible but doesn't have a coronary when 5 remotes come with the new HDTV. Fabulous! Marriage between a middle born and a first born or youngest can work and it's generally good.

By time the last born child comes around, parents are far more experienced; alot less uptight and far less strict. Anything goes with this child. You could be a mass murderer and you would still get allowance. As the youngest, child, you are so laid back, you couldn't care less if someone cut you off in rush hour traffic making you an hour late. You make a wonderful, easy going partner for a high maintenance, impatient and impulsive firstborn or only. Your parents let you get away with murder which is exactly what the first born wanted to do with the jackass in traffic. These little daily annoyances don't bother the last born child in the least. They let them roll off their back without the slightest thought of how it ruined the day. As an only or a first born, you can only dream of the day you react with such indifference.

Two last born people might be a bit too laizze faire about life to be a good match, as they generally are less responsible than their older sibs. Some people might call it an "I don't care" attitude. This isn't to say that it wont work, it might just take some extra effort, which goes for two first borns also.

My oldest daughter is getting ready to marry her fiancee, a youngest son, next month. I am thrilled. I know they will have a happy future and a happy home. They are funny and warm together and make each other laugh. My daughters overly responsible, overly conscientious tendencies are overshadowed by the easy going, laid back nature of her fiancee and they compliment each other very well. He takes all her cares away. Nothing bothers him or so it seems. They are best friends. That is all this super high strung, frenetic mother can ask for in life. No worries mon, just be happy.