Sibling Rivalry with an Autism Twist

I vividly recall the day when, upon entering the third trimester of pregnancy with my second child; I had a panic attack thinking of my first. At only 18 months, he was still my baby. He'd be only two years old when asked to assume the role of big brother.

In my pregnancy induced irrationality, I just knew I was destroying the life of my eldest. So I turned to research and started convincing myself that I wasn't taking away have of his parents' interest - I was giving him a "gift for life."

I eagerly chose a gift from the baby for big brother's first visit to the hospital. I anticipated pictures of a small boy holding a tiny infant and I bought the obligatory big brother/little brother matching t shirts.

The first hospital visit set the tone I suppose. My oldest wanted nothing to do with the new baby and little to do with me even. It would be another nine months before we understand the Autism that was making the eldest uncomfortable in the unfamiliar surroundings and unable at the time to develop a bond with the tiny baby.

As the years past, Autism was the reality not just for big brother but for his sibling as well. Two boys living with Autism - one high functioning, one more severe and non verbal. Little in the books I had read about sibling rivalry and fostering a loving relationship between siblings applied.

Yet my boys have a relationship - sometimes a friendship and sometimes a rivalry. Older brother insists on entering a room and saying hi to each person in it - a greeting he repeats ad nausea until he receives a response. Well he demands a response from everyone but his little brother. Those greetings remain unanswered and it is accepted. We've never told him that his brother won't (or can't) answer. We don't need to.

In a household where two brothers seemed to merely co-exist for several years, the jealous climbing onto a lap already occupied or grabbing of a toy already spoken for are somewhat welcome. No they aren't rivals in a traditional sense. Little about living with Autism is "traditional." But they are siblings.