Sick of America's Lack of Civility?

The entire country, including President Barack Obama, has been weighing in on the lack of civility in America. In a recent poll, two-out-of-three citizens voiced concern over the general decline in manners, values, and principles. Almost daily, examples of incivility cover our magazines, television shows, and newspapers. Like most, I've experienced my share of crude comments, road rage, obscene gestures, spoiled diapers dumped in parking lots, and trash tossed out car windows (even when a public receptacle rests less than three feet away!).

For me, this lack of civility recently hit a new low. My daughter and I were driving when suddenly a young boy, six, maybe seven, darted out on his bike. My daughter lay on the brakes and honked, seeking his attention for his protection. The "little darling" screeched around, mocked us, and flipped us an obscene gesture. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? We were simply trying to warn him. Though I've tolerated worse, never have I experienced such blatant incivility from such a young child. At first, an overwhelming sense of hopelessness set in; at that moment, I envisioned this child locked away in the penal system before he reached puberty.

Further reflection compelled me to enter this necessary national conversation. Whose fault is it? Yes, the problem rests squarely with parents, social media, politicians, and institutional leadership. With enough blame to go around, I then reflected on options to rectify the situation. There must be some way to turn the tide--to collectively reverse the trend before our nation collapses under incivility. To halt this creeping erosion of civilization let's choose to Kill it (lack of civility) with Kindness. Many of us have been tempted to return a swear word for an obscene gesture or vise-versa, but as the saying goes, "An eye for an eye, and soon we're all blind."

How can we, one-by-one, kill the lack of civility with kindness?

Go the extra mile: Whenever our family has picnicked or pitched a tent, we've enforced the Boy Scout's rule of Leave No Trace. The scout's clear expectation is to always leave any site cleaner than you found it. We can, however, go further than discarding our own trash; we can walk the extra mile by disposing any trash we find along the way. My brother allows a few minutes each morning to collect trash dumped in the neighborhood around his business. A friend carries a plastic bag when walking to pick up empty wrappers or dog excrement that others, who lack civility, fail to properly remove. Kill it with Kindness.

Put the other first: Make a conscious decision to allow others to take your place. When someone appears rushed or nervous, let him or her go before you. One day while in line at a bagel shop, an anxious customer appeared pressed for time. I simply, easily, offered him my place in line. He gratefully accepted and replied, "You are a moment of grace." We forget that such simple acts may be moments of grace for others. To counter this lack of civility, we can graciously hold the door for another, allow another's car to merge in our lane, or relinquish a great parking space for someone using a walker or pushing a stroller. Kill it with Kindness.

Look beyond appearances: When someone appears particularly grumpy, mad, or sad, we can break through with a smile, a kind word, or a simple inquiry. We never know what someone else is experiencing at the moment. One day on the subway, I sat across from an angry-looking young woman; her black wardrobe screamed rebellion, her dark make-up masked her face, and multiple piercings shouted for the world to stay away. Though her expression and demeanor were harsh, she was disarmed when I simply spoke the truth, "You have beautiful eyes." Her resistance melted, and a smile broke through her hard veneer. Kill it with Kindness.

Be honest and generous to a fault: When buying admission tickets to the Washington Monument, the attendant assumed two adults and four children. My husband corrected him because two of our children were older than the child's rate. The attendant was stunned; he thanked us for our honesty, and for teaching our children an important lesson in civility. Never cheat, not even a penny. On the flip side, always be generous, even to a fault. Kill it with Kindness.

Bless those who curse you: A twenty-something-year-old man, with more than a bit of road rage, blasted past me while flinging me an obscene gesture. At the moment, even knowing I had the right-of-way, I swallowed my pride and said a little prayer for him; though he may curse me, I will bless him. To fight the current, sometimes frightening, lack of civility, refrain from revenge and from "getting into someone's face" -- ever so popular on today's reality shows. Let's commit to holding our tongues, forgiving trespasses, and wishing otherswell. Kill it with Kindness.

The appalling lack of civility may be overturned if the majority of citizens develop and exhibit magnanimous spirits. We can do it! When we decide, as a nation, to Kill it with Kindness, maybe even the youngest offenders will be swayed to choose kindness over cruelty, love over fear and dignity over incivility. The bullies, the punks, and the cheaters are, in reality, not the enemy, but our own children. Next time we're tempted to respond with an eye for an eye, let us choose to heal our country and Kill it with Kindness!

If you agree, pass this on and enter the national conversation on the lack of civility in America!