Signs of a Controlling Relationship

Many people do not recognize the signs of a controlling relationship. For some it is obvious that the other person is controlling - for others it may be much more subtle. Most new relationships will begin with the usual sweet and romantic courtship. However, for some after a few months or years it seems as if the other person may be attempting to control you. There are also many types of controlling relationships. In some, one person may simply be in charge of what you do, what you wear, who you see. For others, the signs of a controlling relationship can be much more severe: Not allowing you to leave the house or continually forcing you to do things against your will.

Here are some signs of a controlling relationship to look out for:

1. Fast Attachment: The controlling person will likely become quickly attached to you. They will profess their undying love for you or even ask you to move in or marry them after only a few weeks of dating. They will soon start accompanying you everywhere you go.

2. They Always Decide What to Do: A healthy balanced relationship involves both partners making choices on where to go or what to do for fun. In a controlling relationship, you will always do what the controlling partner wants to do.

3. Cut off of Family and Friends: The controlling partner will not allow you or will get very angry anytime you express and interest in hanging out with friends and family. They will get angry with phone calls, emails, and will work to end any communication between these people and you.

4. Extreme Jealousy: Another one of the signs of a controlling relationship is extreme jealousy. They will get angry if you talk to another member of the opposite sex in even seemingly innocent interactions, such as with a waiter or cashier at a grocery store. They may accuse you of cheating on them, even if you are not.

5. No Outside Activities: The controlling partner will not let you enjoy your own personal hobbies or activities. They may come with you, only to purposely make you miserable while there so you do not enjoy it anymore or want to do it again. The controlling partner may also insist you do not work.

6. Explosive Anger: A controlling person can often have extreme tantrums and mood swings of anger. They may throw things, punch walls and doors, or even resort to personal violence if angered enough.

7. You find yourself afraid to say things: When in a controlling relationship, you will often feel like you are "walking on eggshells" where you do not want to say anything or do anything that might make the controlling partner angry. Healthy relationships involve open, honest communication. Being constantly afraid to express yourself is a sign of a controlling relationship.

8. Belittling of You: The controlling person will often say hurtful things to you. While it is not done consciously, by destroying your self esteem, it is easier for them to maintain control. They will comment on everything from your appearance to your behavior. You will feel like you are unimportant or don't matter.

Now that you know what some of the signs of a controlling relationship are, it is important that if you find yourself in a controlling relationship that you get the needed help. In most cases, breaking up is one of the only options. If you are faced with a potentially abusive controlling partner, you may want to consider enlisting the help of family members, friends, domestic abuse centers, or even the police.

If you believe you can work with your controlling partner, and the controlling partner is willing to change, therapy may also be an alternative to ending the relationship entirely. However, if the controlling partner does not show signs of honest and genuine improvement, ending it is usually the only next available option.

Learning to recognize the signs of a controlling relationship and how to get out of a controlling relationship will help you regain yourself, your confidence, and your life.