Signs That You or a Loved One is Being Abused

Unfortunately there are many women everyday living with an abusive partner. The things they are subjected to on a daily basis no one can understand unless they have been there themselves.

My name is Rebecca Smith, I myself 6 years ago endured an abusive relationship for almost three years. I was lucky and escaped before it became any worse and did not stay for many years like some women have. The fear I faced daily during that relationship and the feeling of no escape was overwhelming. Right until almost the end, I made excuses for my partner's actions and tried to hide them. I was afraid that he would harm my child or me if I let anyone know what happened behind closed doors. I wanted to leave, but was threatened that I would face harm or he would take my child away from me. I had to build myself back up inside to be strong enough to leave. I had to be ready to face what would come.

After leaving my abusive relationship, I made it a point to educate people on the warning signs of abuse. For the first year and a half I had a website that explained in detailed information all that a woman needed to know to get herself out. Unfortunately I could not at that time afford the costs to maintain and keep the website running while paying for court costs to finalize my divorce.

This is my second attempt to get that information out there to those who need it. If you or someone you know thinks they may be experiencing abuse, here are some of the warning signs to watch for.

Here is a small list of what your partner's actions towards you that would be considered abusive:

If your partner has hit, kicked, or shoved you.
Has made fun or ridiculed you in front of family and friends.
If your partner always shuts down your dreams and goals in life.
Your partner intimidates or threatens you when they want you listen or do what they want.
If he always checks up on you constantly to make sure you are where you said you would be by calling or maybe even showing up unexpectedly.
You are always being blamed for the way they feel or act out.
If your partner tries to make you feel that there is no way to end the relationship or escape.
Your partner uses your children as a way to gain control by threatening to take them away or making you believe you won't have them if you leave.
Says hurtful demeaning things to you and uses alcohol or drugs as an excuse.
Shouts or talks down to you in front of others when frustrated or angry.
Spends all the money on gambling, drugs, alcohol or some other vice and leaves none left for bills or groceries. Otherwise known as withholding necessities shelter, food, medicine, and clothing. (Financial and economic abuse)
Demands to have separate banking accounts and leaves you with no access to it.
Takes your money from you or gives you an allowance.
Threatens to commit suicide if you leave.
Has unpredictable temper
Limits your contact with family and friends.
You often wonder if you're the one who is crazy
Forces you into sexual things you don't want to do.
Screams at you and gets in your face causing you to back up into a corner.
Breaks furniture or punches holes into walls.
Takes your purse, keys or money from you.
Shows up at work, causing you to loose your job.
Insists being in the room at doctor appointments.
Won't let you better yourself (ex. education or employment)
Forces you to have sex.
Accuses you of being unfaithful
Tries to turn you against family and friends to isolate you.
Blames your children for losing temper.
Hurts or threatens to hurt animals or children.
Destroys your property.
Describes how they would take your life or dispose of your body.
Drives dangerously when angry.

If you are experiencing even just a couple of these things, you are in an abusive relationship.

I myself unfortunately experienced all the above. It takes a toll on your self-esteem and you become after a while of enduring the abuse, almost hypnotized into believing you cannot leave.

If it is not you that you are worried about and it's a family member or friend, here is what to look for in the victim.

Makes excuses for partners actions.
Partner does not show up for family functions and always makes it difficult for victim to go.
Calls victim frequently when they are separated.
Big changes with their personality.
Self-blame.
Fear of conflict with spouse or boyfriend.
Unexplained bruising or injuries on victim or their children.
Unexplainable erratic behavior.
They believe they can change their partner.
They feel they cannot live without their partner.
Victim always needs money.
Victim cannot keep a job.
Hard to get in contact with victim.
Lowered self-esteem or poor self image.
Frequent absences from school and or work.
Partner almost always seems to answer the victim's phone or hovers close by when they are on it.
Always relocating, severe struggles with finances.
Moves farther away from family and friends.
Victim is talked down to in front of others.
Victim is always in hurry to get home before partner gets back.
Victim is very secretive about home life.

You must remember that when you know somebody is in an abusive relationship, that they will only leave when they are ready. I know that it is frustrating, and you wonder why would anyone put up with such bad treatment, but they have no self esteem. They must feel they are worthy enough to leave and that there is hope in getting help. Make yourself known to the victim that when they are ready to leave permanently, that you are there for them to help anytime, anyplace.

If there are children involved, keep watch of the situation. If you believe there is harm being done to the children or they are at risk, contact the police or child protective services immediately.

Recourses:

3 years of first hand experience from previous marriage.

Experience from others close to me.

http://www.womenslaw.org/

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

http://www.4therapy.com/consumer/conditions/item.php?uniqueid=5175&categoryid=244&

http://www.mvwcs.com/redflag.html