Signs for moms that he's the wrong guy

I enjoy being a single parent, but that doesn't mean I've forgotten that I'm a woman. If anything, it makes me more aware of how people treat me. That might sound confusing to you, but when you consider that children sometimes weigh their respect for you based on how other people treat you, you might think differently. Not only that, but we all want to show our kids what it means to have healthy relationships. To do that, we sometimes have to be aware of who the wrong guy is as well as who the right guy is.

First impressions. After telling a potential boyfriend how my son was a bit resistant to me dating and that it had just been the two of us for over 90% of his life, that man somehow got the impression that Hunter needed some male discipline. So, when he corrected my son within the first 5 minutes of meeting him, he probably thought he was doing the right thing. What I thought was something closer to speculation about his sanity. Don't expect anyone to kiss up to your child, but they do need to show them a certain amount of respect and space.

Beware the green eyed monster. If you're new to single parenting, you might think that the idea of another adult being jealous of a child is just ridiculous. Well, you're right, it is ridiculous, but happens anyhow. If this is the guy you're with you'll have two choices: Either you can constantly listen to him complain about the time you spend with your child or you'll spend less time with your own child for the sake of pleasing an adult. Either way, it's up to you how miserable you want to be in a relationship, but you really don't have the right to make that choice for your child. In the end they'll end up feeling like someone else is more important than them and that's something a child should never have to feel.

Urgency for discipline. OK, maybe your child is a spoiled brat. Maybe he or she does need more discipline. That's your choice to make. Just keep in mind that yes, your child is going to notice if you just hand them over to someone else. As for the adult who seems over eager to discipline your child, don't you think that might be a good indication that they have some control issues to work through? I promise it won't stop with wanting to change how your child behaves. Guess who will be next in line for a tune up? Not only is this unfair to your child, but you're setting yourself up to be living in a small corner, wondering when exactly you gave up control of your own life.

They don't like kids. There are adults who simply don't like kids. They may love you to death and treat you like gold, but if they don't like kids it just isn't going to work. You can't change the core of a person and you don't really have the right to expose your child to someone who doesn't like them from the start just because of their age.

They are completely self absorbed. A huge red flag for me is when a guy never asks how I am or how my son is. No they aren't dating my son, but they do get major points if they at least show some interest in his existence. If the one you're dating has already met your child, yet only wants to see you if your child isn't around, that's a pretty good indication that they really have no interest in your child, hence no interest in a vital part of who you are.

Your child avoids your significant other. It's pretty normal for a child to be a bit leery of someone you're with. It takes time for a child to even accept the fact that you're dating someone. A child who expresses extreme dislike or fear of someone is a completely different story. In my opinion, children have a sort of sixth sense. That's why I casually watch how my son responds to people and take his actions into consideration. Nine times out of ten, his instincts are right on.

Beware the ex overlay. It's not that I think people should talk bad about their exes, because I find that to be very distasteful. There are also those that think their ex is the best parent since sliced bread and if they are, well hats off to them. As for myself I have one shot to raise my child and I think I'll stick with doing it my way. The guy who constantly tries to convince you that you should raise your child the way his ex raises his child is not only the wrong guy for you, he's the wrong guy for everyone because no one is ever going to measure up to his ex. Why? Because he hasn't gotten over her yet!

He hates your ex. Maybe you hate your ex. That's your business. The fact is that there is a really good chance you're going to have to deal with the absent parent for the rest of your life. Do you really want to make your child listen to negative talk and see your significant other give you glares every time you talk to your ex? Don't go thinking that it's OK because your child needs to learn the negative side of the absent parent. Kids might be gullible for a time, but they aren't stupid. They'll learn all the negatives about both their parents sooner or later all on their own.

They don't see their own kids. In some cases, this may not be his fault. Maybe his child lives out of state or the mother of the child has reasons that have nothing to do with the man. There are probably a ton of reasons that I don't know and can't address. For me though, I count it as a red flag if the guy I'm considering dating has a lousy relationship with his own children or if they just don't even want to see him. In fact, in my mind it's not impressive for a woman to be comfortable with the absence of a man's child or children. It means that if they do come around, she probably isn't going to treat them well and I just don't want to be one of those women.

Of course there are other elements to consider whenever you attempt to start a new relationship, but being a single parent means it's your duty to consider your child as well as yourself. Personally, I'd rather be alone than expose my child to something that's going to make him miserable. I hope I'm not the only single parent that feels this way!

References: Personal experience