Signs of a Stalker

Admittedly, the term "stalker" has gone beyond being overused. Stalking is actually a crime that can lead to some serious problems. Stalking can lead to domestic violence, alienation from loved ones and a codependent relationship that can have an enormous impact on your self-esteem and view of the world. The signs of a stalker are actually pretty clear if you pay attention. I speak from personal experience when I say that being proactive is much better than hindsight in these kinds of situations.

Trust your instincts. Have you ever met someone that gave you that off-beat kind of feeling that you just couldn't put your finger on? Maybe you even befriended them thinking you were just being overly judgmental. Trust your instincts. They are evolutions version of built in alarms that we should pay more attention to.

Does every minute have to be accounted for? Stalkers are very possessive and controlling. At first, they might just ask what you did. You might even see an immediate reaction of dislike or disdain. Sometimes they just keep questioning your actions until you're no longer sure whether you did something wrong or not. In the end, you'll find that any activity not wholeheartedly preapparoved with the stalker will result in emotional outbursts. No adult has to account or every minute of the day. That's one of the few perks of being an adult.

Watch for other addictions. It's not uncommon for stalkers to have addictions other than their relationships. Instant gratification and the illusion of control is the name of the game for these folks. There is usually a turmoil and emptiness inside them that they seek to fill. Make no mistake, stalking is an addiction too, and technology makes it pretty hard to shake off once started.

Does he or she check up on you? A friend of mine was shocked when her boyfriend came to her house outraged that another friend had been there. I offered up the idea that he probably drove by her house very night and she just never new it until she did something he thought was wrong. When she asked him about it, he admitted that he drove the few miles out of his way every night to see if he was home. He saw it as a sign of his devotion to her. She saw it as just a minor bump in the road. I saw it as a future restraining order.

Your cell phone has turned into a ball and chain. One man called me seven times in half as many hours. I found that odd enough, but when one of his messages stated that he was "trying" to give me my "space", I could only wonder how many times he would have called if he hadn't been trying to give me my space. If you think your new friend is a potential stalker, just try not answering a couple of calls and see what happens. You're likely to get your answer in a hurry.

His or her emotions are beyond reasonable. Expressions of undying love are great after you get to know someone and feel like you are in sync with them. When they come after a week or two, they're just creepy. If you aren't sure he or she is a stalker by their immediate devotion, pay attention to other emotional responses. If you want a night out by yourself, does your new friend seem to have a crisis? When you're apart for a couple of hours, are you met with unreasonable fears of losing you?

Do they show up unexpectedly? It's girl's night out and you and your friends have decided to check out a new club in town. He shows up and pretends it's a coincidence. Can you say "red flag"?

Don't think it's limited to one sex. I'm heterosexual and it never occurred to me that a woman might stalk me. Then it happened. I couldn't come home without my phone ringing off the hook and the knowledge of my presence being announced to me on the answering machine. I couldn't go anywhere without the woman showing up. Finally, I simply had to cut all ties. Cutting the ties wasn't based on her attraction to me. I accepted that the same way I accept it when a man I'm not interested in is attracted to me. It was the creepy stalking that made me avoid her at almost any cost.

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References: Personal Experience