Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship

Many people have been in a relationship that was unhealthy at some point throughout their life. It may have taken a long time for them to realize they were in an unhealthy relationship or it may have been apparent rather quickly. Some people choose to stay in unhealthy relationships because of love, some people are unsure if their relationship is an unhealthy one, some are scared to leave, and some of course do leave. There are many signs of an unhealthy relationship and here we will compare the most common signs of an unhealthy relationship to a healthy one.

Unhealthy relationships can revolve around one person, be it yourself or your mate. The other person's needs and desires are often unmet. One person will care and focus on themselves while the other person remains neglected and on the side lines. Only one person is important and the other person's feelings are usually not taken into consideration.

A healthy relationship meets both person's needs and desires as much as possible. Focus will be on what is best for both people, not just one. Both people's feelings will be taken into consideration, and both people will be cared for.

In an unhealthy relationship one person may not encourage individuality in the other person. One person is often criticized and verbally abused. Thinking differently is normally discouraged and pressure to agree with the other person occurs regularly. One person's opinion is often not heard or even discouraged against.

In a healthy relationship there will be respect for each person. Acceptance for someone and who they are will be present. There will not be verbal abuse and criticisms will be constructive. Each person is able to voice their opinion and think independently. Being an individual is not discouraged and pressure to conform is not present.

One person could be controlling in an unhealthy relationship. The other person is not allowed to have friends or spend their time as they please. Spending time with family or friends can even be forbidden. When the person being controlled is allowed to spend time with others it is frequently with the controller; in the case that it isn't, the controlled person must usually justify where they have been and who they have been with.

Healthy relationships allow each person to spend time away from each other without justification. Each person can have friends if they choose, and families are not shoved aside. Both people will spend time away from each other without fear or guilt.

All the decisions may be made by one person in an unhealthy relationship. The other person will not get to have any input or may be treated badly if they do attempt to contribute to the decision. These decisions may be as insignificant as what to have for dinner or they may be serious purchases such as a car.

Both people make decisions in a healthy relationship. Each person will contribute in their own way to a decision. One person will not make large scale decisions (or purchases) without discussing it with their mate beforehand. Both people will equally compromise when needed.

Communication might be absent in unhealthy relationships. One person may feel that the other does not listen or talking about their needs, feelings, or desires is unacceptable. One person may even fear that communicating with the other person could lead to physical or verbal abuse such as ridiculing.

Communication is the backbone of a healthy relationship. Both partners will listen when needed and will not ridicule the other person's feelings, needs, or desires. Neither person fears communication with their partner.

Unhealthy relationships sometimes lead to verbal threats or physical abuse. One person may physically injure the other person by hitting, kicking, punching, pushing, or otherwise injuring them. It may only be a verbal threat with no physical injury though or it may be more subtle, like placing a person in a potentially harmful situation. Examples of this would be locking someone out of the house, throwing things around, or driving dangerously while the other person is in the car.

Partners do not physically abuse or threaten each other in a healthy relationship. Tempers may be high at times but they do not result in psychical injuries, threats, or potential situations for injury.

Sexual abuse is another sign of an unhealthy relationship. One person may force the other to have intercourse, perform sex acts, or watch and participate in acts of pornography. One person may withhold sex, be extremely jealous and accuse the other person of cheating without cause, or may be violent sexually.

Sex and sexual acts are not forced, cruel, or manipulated for the benefit of one person in a healthy relationship. Both partners understand each others sexual desires, respect each others decisions about sex, and agree or compromise on what is and is not acceptable. One person will never force the other person to perform any sex act against their will in a healthy relationship.

The last sign of an unhealthy relationship is neglect. This covers things such as physical, emotional, and financial support. This can vary greatly from not allowing a person to see a doctor when needed, not supporting a person emotionally when needed, refusing to work or share financial responsibilities, neglecting a person or their children of food, shelter, or other needs, or using children for ones personal gain.

Neglect is not present in a healthy relationship. Everyone's needs are met and taken care of. Necessities and desires are not withheld on purpose to be hurtful and children are never used as leverage for person gain. Both partners will make sure each other is taken care of and are healthy as best as they can.

There are many signs of an unhealthy relationship, unfortunately they can not all be listed due to the variance of each relationship. These are the basic signs of an unhealthy relationship, and as stated, every relationship may vary on the severity of the actual situations. Only you can decide if your relationship is healthy and whether or not you are happy in it. If you feel that you or your children are psychically in danger you should seek help immediately at a local shelter or law enforcement agency.