Simply Rob - I Am as Sick as My Secrets

Every once in a while, a person will come along who will capture my attention and refuse to let it go. Simply Rob, is a perfect example of one of those people. He is a poet who is bold enough to bare his soul, using his life as a HIV positive, gay, recovering drug addict, to reach an entire generation of young adults and talk about "the hard subjects" putting a face to the lessons learned.

I took a trip out to New York in August to do a Spoken Word event produced by PoeticWorks at the NuyoRican Poets Cafe. Simply Rob was one of our featured poets. As excited as I was to meet him, I will be the first to admit, that I did expect to see what society had dictated to me in regards to a recovering meth addict. I wish I could say that I didn't have a stereotype already preconceived prior to meeting him, but I did. I didn't know what my reaction would be on our initial contact.

Let me tell you something about Rob, he is not your typical ANYTHING! As soon as I met him, I forgot everything I thought I knew about him. From the moment we were introduced, I could not stop smiling. Before me stood a quite handsome, polite, kind, and very amusing, young man with a smile that made you forget your problems. I felt like I had known him a lot longer than we actually knew each other. When I left New York, I was sad. It didn't feel like I was leaving a new friend, it felt like I was leaving my brother.

It's with honor that I can say that I was fortunate to meet "Simply Rob" and call him friend, and now, I am able to introduce him to you.

Name: Simply Rob
Age: 38
Location: "Boogie Down" Bronx, New York
Marital Status: Independant
Profession: Spoken Word Artist/Youth Mentor/Activist

How and when did you discover that you had HIV?
August of 1993 about 2 weeks before my 22nd birthday.

How did you contract it?
By having unprotected sex with a dude I had been dating. He didn't disclose his status to me until long after we had been having relations.

What was your family's reaction?
I was disowned by my family at the age of 17 for being gay. I have had very little to no contact with my family members since 1989-90. As far as I know, they have no idea about my HIV status unless they have come across some press about me but I doubt it.

You are extremely active in your community performing original poetry that talks intimately about your experiences as a gay man living with HIV. What gave you the courage to step up and become an advocate for HIV and AIDS victims?
In my recovery from Crystal Meth Addiction I have learned that "I am as sick as my secrets". Anything that is a source of shame needs to be confronted and dealt with. For most of my "HIV years" I was afraid of rejection. Not knowing how or when not to disclose has been stressful. Putting my status front and center by way of my poetry/performance takes care of that to some degree. It's empowering. I think the proactive approach is better than just waiting around to be rejected. As scary as it can be at times to disclose, it also makes life simpler. If everyone already knows, you don't have to figure out when the right time to drop it on someone.

I also hope that finding the courage to "come out" about my HIV status will allow others to do the same. It takes nerve to be open about your status. I feel that their is just as much stigma out there as compassion. You never know which one you will be recieved with especially when you are disclosing to someone you might be interested in.

Rob, I know you are a strong man, propelled by the desire to spread your message to anyone within an earshot of your voice about your lifestyle in hopes of saving their lives. Are you always this strong or do you sometimes think about giving up?
It has been a hard journey. Sometimes I wake up and wish that things were different or that I had made different choices but giving up is NOT an option.

Who or what organization, would you say has provided you with the most support? Do you think having a good support system is important?
Harlem United is the organization that has been the most supportive in too many ways to count. A support system is extremely important. No one can do it all alone. I am also very fortunate to have my El Grito De Poetas group members. We are 7 members in total. They are the brothers and sister I never had.

Is it easier for society to accept you as a man with HIV or as a gay man? Explain.
I don't know that I necassarily feel accepted. I have claimed my place in society. Society is forced to deal with me. Having said that, I do feel that society is making progress in both of those areas.

Prior to meeting you, I would have never thought about kissing someone on the cheek or drink from the same water bottle of someone with HIV or AIDS because I was uneducated about how the diseases are carried. What are some misconceptions about having HIV or AIDS would you like to shatter?
1-Undetectable does not mean that you no longer have HIV. It just means that the medications have controlled the amount of virus in your blood.

2-HIV Meds are more sophisticated now so people are living longer. An HIV Positive test result does not equal death but the meds are toxic and many people experience side affects. They can also be very harsh on your internal organs ie: liver or pancreas.

3-The virus is found in blood, semen, vaginal secretions and breast mild BUT NOT in saliva sweat or tears.

If you could change 1 event in your life, what would it be?
Experimenting with Crystal Meth. It robbed me of 10 years of my life. In many ways I am still picking up the pieces.

Give a good day/bad day scenario for you. How many pills do you have to take? What happens if u miss taking some?
Good day/bad day senarios for me are really about emotion/frame of mind. Good days are just regular days. Work, gym, playing with my dog, writing and or performing my poetry. Bad days are when I wake up and I can't get being positive out of my head. I walk through those days feeling like an undesirable, tainted or like damaged goods.
I am grateful to say that as of yet I have not needed to be on HIV meds. I am a long term non progresser which basically means that my immunity shows an ability to suppress the HIV viral load to extremely low, often undetectable levels. After 10+ years of using and abusing drugs and sex as a means to escape my pain and circumstances, God has ordained for me to remain healthy, I believe in part so that I can serve as an openly gay hiv + role model. Damn...I've never described myself that way before. Although I've been positive for 17 years, "going public" is still very new for me.

On top of being an advocate for HIV and AIDS victims as well as gay rights, you are also an amazingly talented poet and photographer. I know the power of influence that poetry can have on people who are willing to open their minds. What is the main message you hope to convey through your poetry?
A message of peace and tolerance.

In one of your poems you wrote,

"I write myself back together again,
word by word,
poem by poem.
Fueled by emotion
wrapped in determination
in my newly found commitment
to be more than what I have become.
Youth is wasted on the young."

What made you write this piece and what was your motivation behind the message?
This piece is about about self reflection, healing and my desire to realize my full potential.

Do you have a particular poem that you love performing and if so, why?
Seeker and New York City are my all time favorite writes and preformance pieces. Those peices lived in me for years just waiting to be written. I feel that people enjoy hearing them as much as I love performing them.

Rob, only a few more questions. Give me an interesting fact, something that even I don't know about you.
I signed up and I'm currently training to run the New York City Marathon in 2010 (which is over 26 miles). I'm training with Tito and Wordz who are also members of El Grito de Poetas. I was inspired to sign up by my friend JoAnn. She has run the Marathon five times. She is a three time breast cancer survivor, this year she ran the marathon with the flu. She asked me to meet her along the way to bring her some cough drops to help her get through it. Once I was there, I was completely awe inspired. I saw amputees, young and old people from all walks of life, and from all over the world, participating in the marathon. What really struck me was the 70 year old man running and juggling balls simultaneously. I feel...correction, I know I have to do this! To look at all of the people who came out made me look at my problems and how I deal with them, differently. They made me feel like I didn't have it that bad at all. I heard about a man from Africa that came out to New York not just to run the marathon but to win it so that he could go back and feed his entire community with his winnings. It makes me realize my problems are really not that huge. I just hope that I can make it the whole way through without falling out.

Do you have any final words?
I am also fortunate to have worked with the Montefiore Medical Center's Adolescent AIDS Program which is one of the premiere centers for youth who could potentially be at risk for being exposed to HIV and to those who are currently living with it. They provide education/prevention for the youth and medical services to HIV Positive youth. They also have testing and a peer program. I want to also thank the Hispanic AIDS Forum who reaches out to the latino communities in Queens, Manhattan, and the Bronx for their continued love and support.

What advice would you give an aspiring poet, musician, artist, or anyone with a dream? What advice do you have for our readers?
To the artists I would say...Dig. Your best work will come from deep within. It will come from your most genuine authentic organic place. Your power will come from a place of vulnerability.