Since when Did 'Valley-Girl Speak' Take Americans by Storm? and Other Observations of Kids These Days

Wikipedia references the occurrence which includes a marked period of "self-evaluation, independence, responsibility, ambition and full maturation" during your late twenties/early thirties as the "true beginning of adulthood"; also known as the astrological phenomenon of "The Saturn Return". Saturn takes roughly thirty years to orbit the sun, and once it completes its cycle it returns to "the exact degree along the ecliptic" it was at when you were born.

Wikipedia goes on to explain that astrologists associate Saturn with "negative" traits such as challenge, fear, doubt, and confusion, and "positive" traits similar to reflection, power, and prestige. Somehow, then, the general lack of patience and feelings of bitterness you foster toward the human race as you close in on your thirtieth birthday (or are slowly waving it goodbye) can all be blamed on the orbital period of the second largest planet in the solar system.

But if "The Saturn Return" theory was to be debunked after extensive research and billions of dollars of field testing, rest assured that you would still be justified if you were to single out a couple of bothersome trends personified by the younger generations, all the while muttering under your breath "I never did that when I was a kid". 'Valley-Girl Speak' and poor manners are two that jump to the top of the list.

Generational linguistics - or the age and generation-specific use of language - is not a new concept to any of us. It's just not one to which very many of us have ever given much thought. Not much effort is needed to quickly compare and contrast in our mind the language of today and that which we have heard our grandparents or even great-grandparents speak. According to the Encyclopedia Britannica Online, this "terminological distinction" between synchronic linguistics (the study of a language at any given time) and diachronic linguistics (the study of a language throughout time) was first made by the Swiss linguist Ferdinand de Saussure (1857-1913).

For a more substantive experiment, begin by watching a film dating back to the 1930's, and then continue by screening subsequent movies produced every five to ten years from the chosen date onward, paying close attention to the enunciation, cadence, and use of language. Upon completion, the variation in language will have become blatantly obvious; you will wonder how you ever missed it before.

It wouldn't even necessarily matter if you were to choose a movie set in the Deep South or the back alleys of Brooklyn: there was a distinct rhythm to the language of America and then somehow, somewhere, it all seemed to go flat. In the early eighties it was confined to that regional unknown - someplace out West. "The Valley". Where people said, "Oh, my God!" and "Like!" and snapped their gum and spoke like they were chewing cud. If you lived anyplace but there (even in Texas!) you made fun of them.

It's been over twenty years, and instead of this lingual abomination being stomped out, it has spread like an invasive species, taking root in every corner of the country. "The Valley", now co-opted in homes, school districts, and mass media channels across the United States of America, has succeeded in churning out young person after young person who speak a tone or two higher than necessary, turn every sentence into a question, use a limited vocabulary, and pepper their dialogue with as many fillers as possible.

And for all those who find it premature being labeled "ignorant" simply because of their speech patterns, blame the ill-mannered who solidify the image: they are too numerous to count. Why does it seem that so many of today's youth feel empowered to do whatever they want without any concern for others? How often do you see them pick up the trash from their lunch or snack and throw it away, cleaning up after themselves? When was the last time you approached with ease a group of twelve year-olds on a public sidewalk…and they actually moved aside to let you pass? How often are the words "Please", "Thank you", and "You're welcome" exchanged throughout your day?

When did it come to be that adults lost all of their authority over children and children lost all of their respect for adults so that states like Louisiana felt it necessary to write legislation in which public school students are mandated to address public school employees as "Ma'am" or "Sir" while on school property or at school sanctioned events? Known as the "Yes, Sir, No, Sir" Bill, (La. RS §17:416.12) Louisiana has fallen victim to the idea that just one more bill in lieu of personal responsibility is going to be what turns the tide in a society bereft of individuals who are able to competently interact with one another.

You never thought you would be old enough to be one of those adults, criticizing the actions and temperament of the latest generation to come of its own. You always believed that the word "curmudgeon" was reserved for those with white, bushy eyebrows and phlegm in their throat. You swore that when you grew up you were never going to treat kids the way that you were treated…but that was before you realized that all the youth of today could use a swift kick in the rear. (Although motivated for different reasons, the Roman deity Saturn simply ate his).

You needn't blame your irritation with the world around you on some inter-planetary phenomenon, although whether or not you are feeling it more acutely because you find yourself hovering around the thirty-year mark is up for debate. Truth be told, listening to the banter of today's youth is akin to nails on a chalkboard. Having to listen to it as you watch them remain seated as an elderly person boards the subway, or as they leave a pile of trash behind in the park makes you wonder whatever did happen to kids these days? Why can't they be like we were, perfect in every way…?