Single and 60 - What's it All About?

As a person who divorced in her early 40s and still remains single on her 60th birthday, I have dated men of all ages. I have used the Internet, been set up by friends and accidentally met an occasional stranger who said hello and became a friend. But I find that men who are 60 present themselves very differently from younger men. And I believe women over 60 are also different then their younger compatriots. Not only in my personal life but in my position as a psychotherapist and marital counselor I see the changes very clearly.

Sex is a bigger issue then ever

An issue - but a different kind of issue. Some men are now impotent and feel embarrassed to date because of this. Medications for various conditions can cause this. Diabetes can cause neurologic problems, blood thinners taken for heart issues and antidepressants will prevent a man from having the type of erection he remembers. The men who are still able to have a strong erection and have active libidos do not want to waste a minute of their time with a woman who does not share his passion. And so during the first phone call he will ask directly how her sex drive is working and will tell her what he is wanting sexually from a partner. At 60, they have no time to waste. They are direct and without subtlety. What once was seen as crass and offensive is now par for the course.

Money matters a lot

If they say money doesn't matter it's because they don't have any and they don't want to spend what they do have on you. They may be living in a fixed income and have worked out a budget that meets their needs. They are seeking a financially independent woman - or even on who has a little extra to spend on them. Inheritance issues have been decided and their kids don't want a new wife to upset the apple cart. Other financial considerations involve insurance and social security and access to retirement funds. Astute couples will explore these issues and they may find out that living together rather than marrying will give them more spendable cash. Even if the issue isn't living on a fixed income many people today are feeling the effects of the recession and don't have the money to date that they once had.

Who gets buried with who?

If you are dating a widow or widower the question of where they want to be laid to rest can cause quite a conflict. Those who had long marriages and are widowed will most likely want to be buried with their late spouse. Those who are divorced don't have those feelings. This is a topic to be discussed and decided before you marry. Discord over this issue has ended some very nice relationships.

Do we even bother to try a long distance relationship?

Many folks have already retired and are living where they expected to spend the rest of their lives. More than ever before people seem to want to meet the person next door. They don't want to travel very far and have acknowledged that they just don't have the energy or interest in starting a new relationship that would take that extra effort. But now I find that the distance they are willing to travel has become smaller and smaller. Both men and women want someone in the same town. Though communication came make someone around the world as accessible as the person next door even Skype or other similar video programs won't inspire the extra time and effort it takes to have a long distance relationship.

Concerns about health issues

Most people over 60 have some type of health issue. And some of them are embarrassing and very personal. I haven't had anyone I've dated tell me that he was incontinent but they say that in my practice. Other health issues carry the same onus and make people feel they would not be wanted if their new love interest found out.

And then there is simply the age thing

Women feel that men die younger than they do and they don't want an 'old' man. It's a time when 60 year old women really are looking for 55 year old men. And the men are still looking for a younger woman because 60 year old women remind them of their mothers.

Health, sex, money, and kids are still issues as they were when people where younger. They just have a little different slant after 60.