Single Moms Need Friendship: Gal Pals Help Ease Burdens

Ask any married woman to name the highest need of a single mom. Most will assume that babysitting is her top priority. Some women might suppose that financial help is a major contender. Others may guess that volunteering their husbands to fix things would help ease her burdens.

While all of these responses are certainly practical and beneficial, most single moms have an item on their wish list that frequently goes unnoticed: friendship.

Not just a passing "Hello," or a casual "We should get together sometime." Single moms need full-on, thick-or-thin, chick-flick-watching girlfriends. And this is much more complicated to attain than the average single or married woman may realize.

Mingling with other women is no simple task for single moms. Because they work full-time, most single moms have much less time to spend with their children. Therefore, when they are not at work, their children come first - no matter how exhausting their workday has been.

This, of course, puts housecleaning on the back-burner. Additionally, single moms must do the food shopping, the laundry, and the bills, because there is no one else to share the burden. Realistically, they would have to have another 8 hours in the day to meet the needs of everyone in the family to the fullest potential.

And then there is the issue of scheduling. If single moms do happen to make plans with a potential new girlfriend for coffee or a movie, it cannot be done spontaneously. They must first check their planner, considering all events pertaining to their work or their children. Then, should an open time slot occur, they must attempt to find a sitter - and the money to pay that sitter. Talk about a hassle.

The other option for single moms is to invite potential new friends to the house, so that no babysitting would be required. However, this would necessitate a grueling search for the couch under all of the laundry, toys, and book reports, before visitors arrive. (The reality is, until you've reached a level of unconditional friendship with another female, first impressions are important!)

For all of these reasons, single moms often sigh, putting 'build new friendships' at the bottom of their to-do list.

Yet each day, many single moms wake up with a longing...a need to be connected to another female human being. They are, after all, not just single moms - but women.

Women - whether married, widowed, divorced, or single - need girlfriends.

Girlfriends who listen to their excitement about a new lipstick shade - which they've somehow managed to throw into their cart during their latest mad-dash to the supermarket.

Girlfriends who lend a sympathetic ear about the laundry that was formerly white, but is now spotted blue - thanks to a tiny little pen left in a child's pocket.

Girlfriends who care deeply when a dating relationship or marriage doesn't go quite as planned.

If you know a single mom or two, here are 6 tips for learning to form new friendships with them:

1. When a single mom reaches out for friendship via an email or a phone call, answer her promptly. Her spare time is like gold, so appreciate the sincerity of her efforts.

2. When you offer to grab some coffee some day with a single mom, mean it. Give her some definite dates and times that you are available, so that she can compare them to her kids' and her babysitter's schedules.

3. Call a single mom, rather than e-mailing her. It is much more personal to hear a caring voice. It gives her the sense that you are truly interested, rather than just being nice.

4. Don't fear your first outing with a single mom. There will probably not be any awkward ice-breaking. Since she doesn't get out much, she will be eager to talk!

5. Realize that at first, a single mom would like to talk about anything but her tough situation. Odds are, she will have several interests to talk about. This is her chance to step out of her label, and be seen as an interesting individual.

6. Baby-sit for a single mom, by all means! But, as that single mom comes to pick up her child, invite her to sit down for a cup of tea before she goes.

Babysitting is a wonderful gift, as are money and fix-it services. But nothing can replace a woman's need for the friendship of other women.