Single Mother Stigma

Five years ago I became a single mother in a town full of married women. Not a small town, or by any means insignificant, we do have one of the highest unemployment and violent crime rates in Massachusetts. I do believe that if one could measure hopelessness and apathy we as a city could rise to that call. This may in some way shape the views of my married peers, but doesn't make it any easier on me.

When I became a single mother I was aware that there would be many challenges to face. Lack of money and zero time to myself I was prepared for, but it was the unpredictable behavior from people I supposed my friends that took me the most by surprise. I must stress that this was not true of a select few that I managed to remain friends with since these five years had passed. Though a handful of my now distant friends thought that since I was a single mother I was obligated to their unsolicited advice.

There was never a lack of "You need to find a boyfriend. You should be going out by you self more often. , You need to think more about yourself. ,Well its not like you have a family to run." These are just a select few of the statements that I was bludgeoned with if I had the unfortunate experience to be around them. It was as if I was receiving a phone call just so that I could listen to how hard it was to be married and how I just didn't know about it, and why didn't I at least get him to marry me then leave him. Hours of completely low rent conversations and all leading to me feeling a bit worse about myself for having let it become part of my day.

One day three years ago I woke up and heard the phone ring. It was one of the notorious advice bunch. I simply let it ring, kept my eyes closed and waited for the anxiety to leave my body. I just didn't pick up the phone. Invitations would come in for parties that I just didn't want to attend. So, I didn't. I let it go, all if it go. I decided to let them all find themselves someone else to judge in order to make their lives look better by comparison. I was done with it all, and thought to myself about the friends that I still had in my life that actually would ask me, "How are you?" Those were the people I enjoyed in my life. People who talk with instead of talk at, listen to instead of talk about, and genuinely care about another person.

I must admit that becoming a single mother taught me more than just holding it together, it has shown me who my real friends are and who I want in my life. It made me take control and make a conscious effort to cut the fat from my emotional life. Now a few years later there is a lighter feeling about me and I don't feel the stress I once did. I threw out the trash any only kept what was good, and solid. Friendships that will last my whole life, good or bad, no pretense or obligation, just friendship.