Single Motherhood:An Eye Opener

I became a single mother by surprise One morning I woke up and the father of my 6 month old told me that he was leaving me because he "Didnt want to deal with this scene anymore". I wish I could say that this was out of character for my son's father, but alas now that I look back I should have been more shocked that he managed to tell me he was leaving instead of sneaking out in the night. What he didnt tell me was he had drained the bank account, took my son's baby shower money and savings bonds, and of course the car and went on his merry way.

The most shocking this about the entire situation was the blame that fell on me. I was penniless and alone and a great deal of the people I knew decided that was an opportune time to attack me and try to shame me for being a single mother. Out of 20 friends I received two or three supportive phone calls, visits and "It's going to be ok." The rest of the so called friends that I had over the course of my life, well either they were no where to be found, or actually called me to tell me "What did you expect. You should have known better. If you had married him he couldnt have just taken off." I couldnt believe the sort of abuse and unsolicited beratement I was receiving almost daily from people whom I had known for years.

The world is not a kind place to single mothers and there is a stigma that in someway there is something wrong with us. That we are defective and unworthy of the courtesy that is even shown to the unlimited number of women who marry for money and security. That is essentially prostitution but because they are married, well they are married mothers they are considered decent even though the relationship is that of a boiling pot of hate and regret. Their children are usually unmanageable and down right rude. Not the problem that a single mother has with her child. From my own experience and a few other single mothers that I know, the children just seem much better behaved. Maybe it is because a single mother does'nt have the time or the money to get babysitters and "take a break." Maybe children knowning that they are an important part of their mom's life and that their helping and being there makes the home a better place results in a child that does'nt have to be obnoxious for attention.

I will never regret my decision to not marry. No, my son and I dont get invited to the birthday parties and no I dont get asked to any of the many dinner parties that go on with handfuls of people I no longer call friends, but I also know who I am and love my son above all else. I still have a tightknit group of about 5 people whom I still see and call friend and I know I will for the rest of my life. They have been there for me and didnt find enjoyment in kicking me when I was down as the rest of the happily married ladies I knew made sport out of it. What it comes down to is when you have a baby your a mom, and single mom is just a stigma that the lonely and depressed married women have to out on you to make themselves feel better, because they know they could never do what the "single mom" can.