Single Mothers and Parenting

Being a single mother is one of the hardest jobs in the world. It is tough enough to parent in a two parent household and then to have it all fall on one person can seem impossible and overwhelming. Over the years, I have observed and known many single mothers and they seem to share a common parenting trait - and that is a lack of discipline. There are no set boundaries, consistency or consequences in their child rearing. They fear that by disciplining their child; they are a "bad" parent. When in all actuality - the reverse is true.

Boundaries

All kids no matter what their age have to have clear set boundaries. From toddlers to teenagers, they have to know where the line is drawn. Keep in mind that boundaries keep kids safe. If you say to a child "do not stand in the chair," it's to keep the child safe from falling and getting hurt. Bedtimes are probably the biggest offender of boundaries. If you set their bedtime as 9:00 p.m. then it has to be 9:00 p.m every single night. I guarantee you that children do best with a set schedule and boundaries. This is how they know what to expect and the routine makes them feel safe and secure. I never had issues putting any of my four children to bed. They knew exactly when bedtime was and they knew it never changed. This boundary started when they were babies and followed them into their late teen years.

Consistency

The biggest thing I have seen with single mothers is a lack of consistency when they discipline their child. While they may tell a child no today, when the child does the same behavior the next day, they ignore it. You have to be consistent - if something is wrong today; it's still wrong one hour from now, and it's still wrong tomorrow. After raising four children, I realize how draining and exhausting it can be. But in the long run, it's worth it to stick to your guns. Be consistent with the boundaries and discipline you set.

Consequences

If you set a consequence you must stick with it. Too many single mothers set a consequence and then give in later. This sets a dangerous precedent, especially when they become teenagers. Never use a consequence that you cannot live with. An example would be "you're grounded for a month." A month is way too long and you are in effect making yourself more miserable than the child. Only give consequences you can live with and stick to.

A child raised without these three things grows up feeling a sense of entitlement. They struggle at jobs and relationships, because they never knew any boundaries or consequences growing up. Lay a good solid foundation when they are toddlers, reinforce this when they are teenagers, and you will have raised a well adjusted, responsible adult. And ultimately, that is the goal of all parents.