Single Parent Dating & the Impact on Children

Each and every day, single parents struggle to balance romance and dating with their responsibilities of child rearing at home. Often, the various needs of children throw us into a dilemma where we must choose between that all important dinner date or our son's baseball game. The process of blending a new romance with your children can be a time of increasing anxiety and, for many single parents like me, we simply choose to avoid those complications and, thus, forgo dating until our children are older.

However, there are times in our lives when we feel we may have met someone who intrigues and stimulates us, often leaving us wondering if this is the one life partner we desired. Should we let this person slip away simply because we do not want to face the challenges of child rearing and dating simultaneously?

For many children, the concept of a parent dating is not only foreign, it can also be frightening. For this reason, we, as single parents, must understand the often misconceived threat a child will feel when you present a new dating partner into the family dynamic. These threatening emotions are often based upon your child's egocentric thoughts that he or she is no longer the center of your world and, unfortunately, your child may suddenly feel as if they have to compete for your attention.

When deciding to make the transition from single parent life to the combination of single parent-dating parent life, it is important to incorporate your children as much as possible. This is certainly not to say that your children should meet and be involved in every person you date. Instead, discuss your needs in terms of adult interaction and coordinate your dating time around the activities of your children. By including your children in your scheduling of time, they will feel more important and recognize the dating process is not, necessarily, a threatening process.

In contrast, if you choose to expose the children to your dating partner, the displays of affection, in most cases, should be kept at minimum so as to ensure the children do not feel they must fight for the attention of you, the parent. Often, when children are exposed to early affection in your relationship, they will subconsciously begin to feel that it is necessary to fight for your attention which may, in some cases, be rooted in the fear they will be abandoned or excluded from your life.

As with any life changing situation, the key to the optimal outcome is in the communication. For single parents, choosing to date is an activity that should be well thought out, considering the emotional well being of our children over that of our own needs. When we choose to pursue dating, limiting exposure of our dating partners to the children, will work to ensure the children do not feel threatened, frightened or confused.