Six Easy Steps for Getting Robbed on Craigslist

Recently, my boyfriend and I had an amazing experience selling on Craigslist. I figured I should let everyone know exactly what we did, so that others can have the same success.

1. Accept offers by text.

If someone with excessively bad grammar contacts you by text and want to "buy dis xbox fo 350," don't be wary.

My rationalization: In the internet age, lots of people have no idea how to use the English language anymore. I'm sure this offer will be legit.

2. Don't be concerned if they take a long time to get back to you. Say, by nightfall...

My rationalization: Surely they aren't waiting for it to get dark. They probably just got out of work late today. That seems reasonable.

3. Drive to them, don't have them meet you in the middle.

Sure, it might be safer for you to meet in a place that is familiar to you, but they insist that you come to them anyway.

My rationalization: Well, maybe they just don't want to spend the gas money. I mean, they didn't even try to haggle the price down, so I guess it's fair...

4. It's OK if their directions are really vague and contradicting.

This doesn't mean they are unfamiliar with the area and don't actually live near here, it just means... well...

My rationalization: I didn't have an answer for this one. At this point, our guts were telling us to go home, but our empty wallets were telling us to press forward.

5. Get out of your car to show his friend the merchandise.

The guy we had actually been in contact with had to "step out for a while," so his friend came to see what his buddy was going to buy.

6. When you finally think you realize what is going on, don't turn around and go home. That would be rude to this kid who looks genuinely interested in the Xbox. Plus, oh crap... he's blocking the exit now, isn't he...?

If you follow these 6 steps, something amazing will happen. Right around the time you get a cold, sinking feeling in your stomach, some asshole covering his face with a shirt will come around the corner and hold a gun to your head. At this point, you have two choices: You can obey his orders to "Drop the S*** and get the F*** out of here!" Alternately, you can choose to develop mind-reading powers, find out that the gun is actually broken, and then kick the snot out of these two kids. Unfortunately, if you are like me, you won't be able to read his mind in the split-second you have to react, so you do indeed drop the stuff and run.

Lucky for you, you haven't even gotten to the most fun part. Later, after these two twerps have been arrested and you're sitting in court, you will be told that A) they're juveniles, so any sentence they might receive isn't going to stick longer than a few months, and B) since the gun was malfunctioning, it barely counts for anything. They may as well have been waving a summer sausage in your face.

Well, that about wraps it up. My boyfriend and I were under the impression that everyone needs a good, thrilling experience like this, so we wanted to share our success. Have fun selling on Craigslist!