Six Keys to a Successful Long-Distance Relationship

Do you want the magic bullet for all of your long-distance relationship (LDR) problems? I have discovered the secret answer. It has made my LDR a success story. I went from struggling with my long-distance girlfriend to eventually becoming her husband. To this day we still use this ancient elixir weekly, sometimes daily, to survive and thrive in our marriage. The four-letter word solution is: work. If you choose to apply it to your LDR, you will notice some positive changes within hours. With consistent application, your LDR will flourish.

W-O-R-K
Before you begin, be mindful that if you do it right, with enough hard work, your LDR will be the toughest, most grueling job you will ever undertake. If you are not ready to work, you have the option to apply elsewhere. Hit the nearest bar or nightclub tonight and look for another prospect to court. Read on if you are up to the task.

Work as defined by the trusted Dictionary.com is defined as "exertion or effort directed to produce or accomplish something: labor." Work involves labor.

Thus, work in a LDR involves you and your partner laboring to produce a successful relationship. More time and effort performing the wrong tasks eventually leaves you tired and in the same rotten position. To be effective, your work must be directed at achieving your goal. Through years of personal experiences and "research", I have developed a list of 6 essential tasks targeted for LDR success.

Your work will be comprised of the following 6 essential tasks:

1. Set a date to move closer or live together. LDRs are temporary. They usually arise due to unusual circumstances: chance meetings, work requirements, etc. These conditions cannot become a way of life forever. We, humans, are not programmed to be away from our mates for years and years. With an end in sight, the situation becomes bearable. If you truly love your significant other, you will eventually take this logical step and work out a solution to move closer together.

It is a simple step that may involve some complicated decisions. Some of the issues that need to be worked out include: work situations, logistics, and cultural preferences.

2. Communicate consistently. Each couple is unique in their need for communication. Some need to speak daily while others can have weekly conversations on Sundays. Decide on the frequency and work hard to commit to it. Regardless of your preferences, I offer several solutions to keep in touch more cost effectively.

To get started, you need a computer, internet service, and a webcam. Then download programs such as Skype, Yahoo! Messenger, or MSN Messenger. Skype is my favorite because of its versatility. It offers computer-to-computer voice calling, instant messaging, and webcam services for free. With additional charges you can send text messages to cell phones and make international and domestic calls from your computer to telephones. Installing a webcam allows couples to see each other in real time. It is the next best thing to being there physically.

You can use the Internet as a tool to find other economical ways to communicate. From emails to e-cards to searching for the best phone cards, the Internet offers you unlimited ways to save cash for the much needed round trip tickets to visit each other. And guess what? The Internet is home to the cheapest flights available!

3. Set the ground rules ASAP. Can your partner go to dinner with a friend of the opposite sex? Do you mind your boyfriend going to nightclubs? Work to create rules that are mutually agreeable. Work hard to stick to them but keep in mind that amending the rules may be necessary down the line.

4. Visit each other according to a meeting schedule the both of you have created together. Couples need to see each other face-to-face. Take into account your personal threshold for withdrawal of physical touch and juxtapose that against financial or obligatory barriers.

5. No fighting. This is easier said than done and, for me, requires the most work. In order not to fight, you have to sacrifice your pride. Sometimes being nice is better than being right. Keep in mind that you love each other and that your partner does not have bad intentions for you.

You will not agree all the time but do not let that turn into a heated argument. Share your point of views and learn to negotiate peacefully. If all else fails, humbly let your significant other have their way. Did I just write that? Not easy but well worth doing.

6. Develop your relationship skills. As in all lines of work, you must acquire further training. Teachers have weekly staff development sessions with their principals. Corporate employees have quarterly trainings to develop their skills and to acquire new ones. You must develop your LDR IQ and recharge your batteries.

Books from great counselors are valuable resources. Choose a book to read with your partner. You can develop a reading schedule and discuss excerpts from the book over the telephone or via Internet chat. Give each other homework assignments. Aside from learning, reading together will make you will feel closer to your partner.