Six Modern Accessories I Will Never Purchase

Express Pasta Cooker: You've probably seen this on TV. A tube shaped thermal cooker cooks your pasta in no time at all… provided you add the boiling water. Advertisements told me that my pasta would cook in a matter of minutes, so I did some research and found the amount of minutes it would take to cook my pasta in the magic tube, after I boil water separately and pour it in: 5 minutes. Five minutes! Most of my pasta cooks in 5 minutes, in my good old 6 quart pot. I'd rather boil the water and drop in m pasta, the old fashioned way. The scams these people come up with! Express Pasta Cooker my liver.

Popcorn Machine: Popcorn machines are fun for children, but I see it as yet another appliance to take apart, clean, and try to fit back into the box. I prefer to add some oil to a pot, add corn kernels, cover and wait for the pops to subside, then add salt and shake shake shake. I'm sure the shaking burns some calories.

Bread Machine: These don't look too bad, but as a traditionalist I prefer to sully my hands and the counter or table with sticky dough and flour. Kneading turns out to be fun after a while, and how often do you bake bread anyway? And what if I wanted a braided Challah (Jewish Sabbath bread), would the machine shape it for me? Would I use a bread machine for a small amount of Pizza dough? I'd rather respect the hard work of my ancestors and knead my own dough which often flops and is a failure but sometimes is just wonderful, thank you very much

Epilators: I hear those things hurt. It's not worth the suffering, trust me. How much do you need to shave off anyway, are you a woman or a bear? Good old Gillette style razors work just fine on this end, I have no need to buy and epilator and worry about things like batteries or electric cords. Do they make USB epilators?

Electric Blankets: I've heard too many horror stories that starred burning electric blankets. I must admit I don't even know how these things work, but I still prefer the old fashioned variety. I'm sure they're great for people who just can't seem to get warm, like the elderly, sick, or frozen skiers who have just crawled out from under an avalanche.

Nanny Cam: Nanny Cams are hard to argue against, although I do have this visual of parents sitting down after a long night out only to view a couple hours of nanny footage. I've always wanted to watch nanny footage after a nice long evening out with my husband! These cams come with a heavy bill, I'd rather have a friend install some cameras or better still, hire a nanny to watch the nanny. We could have a whole network of informers a la KGB.