Six Practical Ways to Help Someone in a Crisis

We have all had friends or family members with crises: a child in the hospital, a serious illness, a fire, or some other unexpected occurrence. Often, our first reaction is to ask how we can help.

When a person is in the middle of a difficult situation, however, he may not really know exactly what help he needs. Even if he does, he may be reluctant to ask for it.

As the wife of a man who has spent a fair amount of time in the hospital and/or ill, I know from personal experience that even knowing what help to ask for can be an added stress to an already difficult situation. I was often at a loss for words when I was asked what someone could do to help, especially when the crisis was new.

As someone who has been in the trenches, so to speak, I can suggest several practical ways that you can help someone in a situation like this. The next time you want to help someone in a crisis, ask if you can assist in one of these specific ways.

Prepare a meal

When someone is traveling to and from the hospital, or sick at home, getting the family fed without resorting to fast food, pizza delivery or other such expenses can be tough. Having a meal at home ready to heat (or even one that doesn't need heating) can be an absolute Godsend, not to mention a load off someone's mind.

Be sure to inquire about food allergies and aversions, so your meal doesn't go to waste. Also, don't be afraid to make more than needed for a single meal, as long as it isn't going to take up all the room in the freezer. Several of the meals we received were used for a few nights, and even a lunch here and there.

Another helpful hint here is to put the meal in containers you don't necessarily need back. Trying to remember whose pot or bowl belongs to who can make for a hassle when you have other things on your mind.

Do chores

Tasks like laundry, straightening, vacuuming, and doing dishes are often put by the wayside when a crisis comes into your life. Coming home from a long day at the hospital to a house full of dirty clothes or dishes can be overwhelming and disheartening - and looking for the only clean bowl in the house to pour your stale cereal into has never made anyone's day.

If the family is willing, ask if you can come in and get a load of laundry done for them, or run a quick vacuum through the house. Probably the most wonderfully helpful thing one person did for me was to come by and clean my kitchen and bathrooms and vacuum in the living room. Coming home to a clean house was just the right medicine to help me deal with everything else in my life that felt out of control.

Pick up groceries

A few years ago, my husband was on seizure watch for over a month. This meant, in simple terms, that he needed to be with someone at all times. Because of this, any time I wanted to leave the house, I either needed to take him with me, or find someone to stay with him. Since he was also recovering from surgery, taking him with me was rarely easy. Someone came to sit with him once a week so I could do the major shopping, but if I ran out of milk or forgot an ingredient, I was in a tough spot.

I had one friend who shopped about halfway between my weekly shopping trips. For quite a while, she would call me before she left for her grocery trip to see if I needed anything. Even when I was able to leave my husband alone, this was an extremely helpful way to lighten my load a bit, with very little effort on her part.

This doesn't need to be limited to groceries, of course. Taking someone's clothes to the cleaners, dropping books off at the library, or other such errands are always appreciated.

Watch small children

Having to see a doctor or visit someone in the hospital is stressful in and of itself. Taking small children with you can make the visit even more so. Add into the equation hospital regulations and trying to hear a doctor's instruction with a child in the background, and you have a recipe for major stress.

I was reluctant to actually call people to ask for them to watch the kids so I could take my husband to a doctor's appointment alone, as I felt it was something of a "luxury." Yet, I had people volunteer to do it and I would rarely turn them down - especially if the appointment fell during naptime.

I cannot express in words how much I appreciated not having to watch my two small kids (one was a newborn and the other aged three during the most serious part of my husband's illness) every time my husband had to go to the doctor. And the "alone time" with my husband while he was in the hospital was so precious to both of us.

Be a contact person

When my husband was first admitted to the hospital, I found myself on the telephone quite a bit, calling friends and family with updates on his condition. This could have been an absolute nightmare every time we got some sort of new information. But, I had a few people who volunteered to be my contact people. In my case, it was my dad, my husband's mom and our pastor's wife. Whenever I had news I wanted to get out, I only needed to call three people, and they would get the information out to anyone who might want to know.

We still got calls for information, of course, but they were a lot less frequent than they could have been. I know for a fact that some of my family members and friends actually called my "contact people" on occasion before they tried us for updates. And, of course, they got updates much more often than they would have if I'd had to make all the calls myself.

Be careful in weighing the cost on this particular volunteer opportunity. You will be a vital lifeline between your friend and those interested in his care. He will be quite disappointed if you let him down.

Be a shuttle service

There were several times during my husband's illness where doctor's appointments or other related things conflicted with other things we had on the calendar - from a fun activity for the kids to a doctor's appointment for me to a child's naptime. Generally, since I was the only driver in the family, we would have to drop the "other" activity so my husband could make his appointment.

However, there were several times when people offered to either take my husband to his appointment, or my son to his. This helped keep our lives a bit closer to normal. In fact, it is only because of faithful people that my son continued to take naps daily during one particular time, when my husband had to be at the hospital five days a week for a month and a half during my son's naptime. With others taking him to the hospital each day, we were able to keep my son's nap schedule, and give me some valuable downtime.

Obviously, these suggestions will not apply to every situation. Using them as a guide, however, can be a great way to find just the right thing to do to help a friend in crisis. You won't be sorry if you do.