Six Reasons Why I'm Glad I was Still a Virgin at Age 30

Later this month, I will be 36 years old. Looking back on my life, I'm very surprised how quickly time flies. For so much of my life thus far, I have focused on growing up and experiencing new things. For many of those years, having sex was one of the things I wanted to experience. Never in my wildest dreams did I expect to still be a virgin at age 30.

It seems like yesterday, I was a teenager worried about when I would finally lose my virginity. Back then, it seemed like all of my friends were having sex. When I didn't lose my virginity in high school, I started to focus on college. Maybe that was where I'd finally find out what sex was all about. But college came and went and I still never had sex with anyone. After college, I joined the Peace Corps and left the country for two years. Surely, I thought, during that experience, I might finally "become a woman" and find out why people liked having sex so much. By now, you get the idea. I didn't have sex. I was beginning to wonder if there was something wrong with me.

Truthfully, when I was still in my 20s, I really felt weird for still being a virgin. I worried that I would never find someone with whom I wanted to be intimate, who, likewise, also wanted to be intimate with me. I knew that I could have sex if I wanted to. I had enough male friends to know that there are always willing partners who will "get busy" with anyone at the drop of a hat. I was curious what the big deal was about, of course, but I also longed for someone to care about who cared about me. Maybe I was smart enough to know that casual sex is overrated. Anyone who knows me, knows that my lack of sexual experience had very little to do with being moral or religious convictions. Now that I'm older, I see that waiting to have sex is smart and practical. Here are my six reasons for why I'm glad I waited, even if it wasn't intentional.

1. I don't have kids with someone I don't like.

I'm mentioning this reason first because I think it's very important. The man who finally took my virginity was himself a virgin when he hastily married his ex wife, a woman who had already had a number of sexual partners, as well as a son from her first marriage. Because my husband's ex wife claimed that her first husband was an abusive creep, my husband assumed the responsibility of raising her firstborn. Of course, their marriage ultimately didn't work out and they eventually divorced, but not before my husband had fathered two daughters with his ex. Unfortunately, my husband's ex wife has remarried and claims that, like her first husband, my husband was also an abusive creep. My husband's daughters are now extremely alienated and no longer speak to him. They consider their current stepfather, who now has a couple of little kids of his own with my husband's ex wife, their "real daddy". That man was nowhere to be seen when my husband's girls were babies with blown out diapers and runny noses. It was my husband who was there, cleaning up the mess and paying the bills. And he's still faithfully paying the bills, at the tune of over $2500 a month, to a woman who slanders him and has done her very best to drive a wedge between my husband and his family.

My husband has children with someone he doesn't like and it really sucks. And he's definitely not the only one in this situation. I often hear some of my female friends complaining about their children's fathers, some of whom they describe as lowlifes with whom they might be forced to share custody or whose child support checks they depend on but never receive on time or in full. By not having sex before I found the right person, I avoided having to deal with this kind of crap. If I ever do have children, I would tell them if they plan to have casual sex, to remember that a child could come out of that few minutes of fun. And while children can be precious gifts, they can also irrevocably tie a person to someone they might prefer to walk away from forever.

2. I am at a low risk of having a sexually transmitted infection.

Okay, I'll admit that when I finally had sex with my husband, I did open myself up to the possibility of getting a sexually transmitted disease. His ex wife had been sexually active with other people and over the course of their marriage, he had sex with her many times. She could have exposed him to a bug she'd picked up from someone else and he, in turn, could have exposed me. But other than the ex, my husband has been monogamous. I know some of you might be rolling your eyes in disbelief, but it's true. My husband didn't get around at all before he married the first time and neither did I. That means we are both at a very low risk of picking up any nasty or embarrassing sexually transmitted diseases, including genital herpes, pubic lice, chlamydia, or HIV, among many others.

When I was single, this was something I never had to worry about at all. While many of my friends had to be concerned about health risks connected with having sex with multiple partners, I could go on about the business of planning my future. I didn't realize it at the time, but not having to worry about diseases was very liberating at a time in my life when I already had plenty of other issues occupying my thoughts.

3. I've never had to worry about whether or not I was a "one night stand".

I realize that some people don't care if they're considered "one night stands" because sex is a very casual thing to them. Sex was never a casual act for me, though, and I know that it would have bothered me to be thought of as a temporary plaything. I would not have wanted to have sex with someone I didn't care about and know well. And because as a young woman I never got in a "one night stand" situation, I never had to worry about whether or not some guy I was with would call me the next day or want to see me again. While still being a virgin in my 20s was sometimes a little hard on my self-esteem, I think not talking to someone again after we had been intimate would have been a much bigger blow to my self-image. Better yet, now that I'm married, I don't have to feel guilty for any past sexual indiscretions because I never had any.

4. Having made love to someone I actually love, I realize that casual sex is way overrated.

Even though I was very curious about sex when I was still in my 20s, I now realize that casual sex is overrated. I can imagine now what it would have been like to have had sex as a teenager with some young guy with no control or style who felt he had to prove his manliness by having multiple meaningless sexual conquests that lasted twenty or thirty seconds at a stretch. On the other hand, I can also imagine what that kind of sex must be like for a young man who is eager to please his partner and ends up hurting or embarrassing her instead. I strongly doubt that kind of sex would have truly been worth the risks to either party. In my view, it's always better to have good sex less often than bad sex all the time.

5. My husband and I know each other's sexual likes and dislikes.

I'll be brutally honest. I love my husband dearly and we are very sexually compatible, but the first few times we had intercourse were uncomfortable for me and I didn't enjoy them very much. In fact, it took some time before I finally got to the point of really having fun during sex. Thankfully, at age 30, I was mature enough to tell my husband that I was uncomfortable so that we could work together to find a method that worked for both of us. Likewise, my husband was mature enough to understand why I was uncomfortable and not take my discomfort as an insult to his manhood. The end result is that we now have much better and more satisfying sex.

6. My husband is the best lover I've ever had.

I am truly glad that I was able to experience sex for the first time with someone I really love with all my heart. When my husband and I had sex for the first time, he could tell he was my first. I think it meant a lot to him. In fact, I'm certain that somewhere in the back of his mind, he's glad to know that I haven't shared myself with anyone else. Of course, the fact that I was still a virgin on our wedding day had much to do with happenstance. That doesn't diminish the peace of mind that comes from not having had the experience to compare my husband's performance to anyone else's. As long as we stay together, he will always be the best lover I've ever had and that means a lot. After all, if I wanted to have sex with a lot of different people, I never would have made the marriage commitment in the first place. Moreover, my husband says that sex with me is nicer for him because I haven't had children. I'll let you use your imagination to figure out why that is.

Now... for the one reason I wish I'd had sex before I was 30...

I haven't had children yet and, at this point, it looks like I might never have a child of my own, at least not without medical help. I have always wanted to be a mother, but the man I fell in love with had a vasectomy while he was married to his ex wife. He made that choice thinking that he would be married to his ex wife for the rest of his life. I can't fault him for his decision, since he made it with the best of intentions. In the long run, it was probably a blessing, since my husband's ex wife has since had at least two more children. She obviously wasn't done having kids. Still, I can't help but feel like maybe I missed out on my chance at motherhood without medical intervention because I've never had sex with someone who could get me pregnant naturally.

On the other hand, had I had sex before marriage, there's a strong chance I would have had a child with someone I wouldn't have liked. Remember, that was my number one reason why I was glad I didn't have sex before I was 30! Besides, perhaps even if my husband hadn't had a vasectomy, I still might not have become a mother. And there's nothing to say that I won't still become a mom at sometime in the future, especially since my husband did have a vasectomy reversal a few years ago.

Life is full of surprises. In any case, I honestly feel that by not having sex before I was 30, I missed out on some of the more unpleasant surprises in life. I don't fault people who have casual sex. I know that sex is part of life and not everyone wants to be celibate or even get married, for that matter. But for me, not having sex before I was an adult was the best decision I ever accidentally made. It's a choice I would highly recommend to others.