Six Ways to Make a Good Marriage Even Better

So you went and got married? Congratulations. Now you are beginning to realize that the elaborate wedding was great and all, but living with someone else is not a party. You just might be ready for a primer on how to sustain a healthy relationship.

Spend more time together

Yes, I know you might not want to spend more time with the person who leaves their filthy dishes sitting by the computer, but you need to do something that will help remind you why you liked your spouse in the first place. Sometimes life throws really big things at you and your knee jerk reaction might be to try to go it alone. I know. When our son died, one of the ways our marriage survived was that we made a conscious effort to just hang out together on a daily basis. Sometimes we did not even feel like being in the same room, but we made a commitment and it paid off. At the time Jason was working about five minutes from home, so he came home for lunch every day and we had lunch together, as a family. Looking back, I credit that with being what helped keep us from drifting apart. Sit down together on a daily basis and just be near one another.

The 75/25 goal

I've interviewed many older couples and a bit of advice I hear again and again is that unless it is a piece of cake, most things in life can't be split 50/50. Good strong relationships are built on the premise that you can be happy and still be prepared to give 75%. If both people in a relationship live this way, chances are good that they are a team that builds on each other's strengths and weaknesses. Teams succeed.

Find Happiness in Simple Things

You might be itching to go to the mall and look for that new designer handbag, but true happiness is not found in material goods. Appreciate simple things; go for a walk at midnight to admire the moon together, share a perfectly ripe peach, or watch your child play on the swings are some examples of things that can solidify your friendship. Dwight and Mary Jane Newton just celebrated their 71^st wedding anniversary and Mary Jane reports that "someone built the most beautiful snowman in our park last weekend and we are enjoying books and music as always. Who could ask for more?"

Put your relationship first

I know you have to earn a living and you do want a little time to yourself now and then, but if you put your marriage before everything else you will be more grounded. I'm not telling you to be a doormat by any means, just to respect your spouses feelings first. Ask questions and find out what they want. Be respectful and make decisions together.

Communication is a work in progress

While there is a lot of wisdom in the old "Don't go to bed mad", sometimes that is easier said then done. Healthy people do disagree, but they talk through things rather than silently holding everything in. Try using "I" instead of "You". For example instead of saying "You are such a jerk for not cleaning up yesterday," say "I really need more help around here. I can't do all of the cleaning alone." We all respond better to requests rather than demands.

It's not funny? Laugh anyway!

Our lives are demanding and messy and let's just come right out and admit it-exhausting a lot of the time. Humor helps us reduce stress and be a better person. Try and see something funny about the situation instead of getting angry. Chances are good that your spouse is pretty funny some of the time, even when they are not trying to be. Watch for it.