"Skating with the Stars" Week 2 Recap

Holy smokes...poor Johnny Weir. The rabid B-Dawg Army was out in full force last night calling him a jerk and whatnot for conspiring with The Zarin Monster, and giving the Blessed Santa Bethenny de la Margarita low scores. Seriously. Apparently Johnny Weir and Jill Zarin control the universe and it's all a big conspiracy to make Bethenny Frankel look bad. Yep. We'll just overlook the fact that a two time Olympic champion and world famous choreographer also agreed.

So let's talk about Bethenny Frankel's performance last night. I feel I'm qualified to judge this..I was a competitive skater from 1986-2001. And I'm not a 'hater' but if we're judging skating... not looking pretty and letting her partner throw her around...Bethenny got fair scores. Go back and watch her skate again and look at her FEET. She is always just kind of coasting on two feet, and whenever she does pick them up, she's standing still on the ice. The people ahead of her SKATED. And the judges weren't mean to her. It's called constructive criticism. Bethenny had beautiful lifts, and she is a gorgeous woman, but like I said, watch the video again. Her partner is doing everything, and she's very stiff and tentative on the ice. And Dick Button, TWO TIME OLYMPIC CHAMPION, is correct. Bethenny needs to bend her knees. 95% of her problems would be cured if she would bend her knees. And I understand that she has only had 5 weeks to train and she's oh so very tired, but so is everyone else. People, she brings that on herself. No one put a gun to her head and said, "Write another book, do two TV shows, and have a baby." So while I empathize...I do not sympathize. Bethenny is improving, the radbid B-Dawg army will vote her in like a Palin, and like Johnny pleaded on his Twitter...calm down. No really, you people look ridiculous conjuring up conspiracy theories that Johnny Weir cares enough about Bethenny Frankel to pinky swear with Jill Zarin to take her down. Ri-DONK-ulous.

Moving on...we must...other people skated too.

Told ya Brandon Mychal Smith was the one to beat. He's a Roller Skater. Roller Skaters are lethal on the ice once they get their balance figured out. Roller Skating is tons harder, and after seeing the clip of him at the other rink, I figured it all out. That and he's like, 30 years younger than everyone else, so there's that. He's still the one to beat.

Rebecca kind of stunk this week, and frankly, the judges were way meaner to her than Bethenny. That's the problem with expectations. Now that they know she skated as a kid, they will judge her at a higher standard. Jonny Mosely isn't fantastic, but he has the benefit of being a dude, so he doesn't have to do as much as the girls. Sorry, it's true...that's skating. The guys don't really do all that much but support the girl. He's cute and I think all three of the judges want to lick him, so he'll be safe for a while.

Let's talk about the two old people that ate it last night. Poor Vince Neil! He actually looked a lot better to his Tango this week, but biffed it at the end so he only got a 30. And Sean Young was a hot mess. So, SPOILER ALERT, she was the first to go home.

Who goes home next week? Vince Neil. That's what Jill Zarin wants, anyway. You do realize she controls the universe, right? Bethenny's safe another week, and leave my beloved little brother Johnny Weir alone! Do you really think that after being robbed at the Olympics less than a year ago by shoddy judging he's going to take it out on a C-List basic cable reality star in a Jill Zarin conspiracy theory? Um...no.

And Bethenny, you're doing a good job...bend your knees.