Slavery of the Heart

Would you take your car to a veterinarian? Would you take your dog to a mechanic? Probably not, right? So why do we want our husbands, wives, girlfriends, etc, to be so universally diverse?

When you were growing up, I am sure you had many different friends. You had your really wild and crazy friends for partying. You had your really intellectual friends for talk, and debate. You had your older friends to set you straight whenever there was a problem with the other two. So, why is it, when coming from such a history of diversity do we employ a strict diet of relationship solitude?

The Myth of Monogamy

We have been brought up to believe that we were meant to be with one person, and that everything we have done so far, is a prelude to a life of bliss with that ONE person. The problem with this is that most people have sexually been with multiple people before finding that one person to be with. Therefore, the concept of being with one person has already been sullied, as multiple people before the ONE person just doesn't have the same emotional or intellectual effect.

The Myth of Completion

We come into this world alone, and unless there is a horrific tragedy, we leave this world alone. Yet, we constantly feel the need to allow our happiness to hinge on the actions, words, or emotions of others. How is it that we are supposed to govern our own happiness, yet be the governors of the happiness of those we care about? In truth, we can not.

We, as human beings, have little control over the flow of our lives. We can manage some things, but most of the actions of the world and its inhabitants are beyond our reach. Relationship wise we expect to find someone that completes us, and makes us happy. Unfortunately, that is too much of a burden for anyone, because that person now has to control his or her life as well as being the token of happiness for another.

Adding to that is the idea that sex is more than what it is: An activity. We have somehow deluded ourselves into thinking that sex and sexuality is some sacred, almost mystical thing. In truth, sex, like any other activity can be heightened when done with emotional ties, but can also be enjoyed without emotional intimacy.

The Myth of Acceptance

"If he won't take you as you are, then you should be with someone else.."

Hmm, so if she is a foul mouthed, man beating, lying, stealing, poor excuse for a human being, she should be given a pass because some poor person fell in love with the character she presented him?

Seriously, this is the most dangerous myth of all. This myth allows us to wallow in excuses and live with mediocrity and complacency. If you care about someone, you should be accepting of who they are, but you do want the best for them. More than that, isn't the "being with someone else" part of the suggestion a slap to the face of a monogamous and committed relationship?

The Death of Commitment

For all our talk about finding love and being love, we no longer are willing to put in the work. We want to place our lovers into boxes of extreme commitment and emotional bondage, yet, when things start to get a bit bleak, we are so quick to give up and move on.

The Beginnings of Understanding

How can anyone have a successful, but fair relationship?

#1- Understand that we are individuals with individual needs. Some of those needs can be met by our significant others. Conversely, some of those needs must be fulfilled by people outside the relationship.

#2- Realize that we are responsible for our own lives and happiness. Our love ones should be the sprinkles on top of our cupcake, not the cupcake itself.

#3- Sex is an activity. It can be better with someone you love, but it is just something people do.

#4- If you are a god awful person, no one should have to put up with your crap. You need to find a way to be better. NO EXCUSES.

#5- Relationships take work. They also ebb and flow. We weave in and out of togetherness. The important thing is to be committed throughout the bad as well as the good. In the end, all things will even out.