Small Town Boys Change the World

This is one of my first articles in humor and fiction. Please tell me what you think.

Back in the seventies, three small town boys in Northeastern Pennsylvania graduated from high school. The world will never be he same, and there names, Barry, Larry, and Harry will live in infamy. They did not know each other at the time, but they got accepted at the same university and were destined to become the best of friends.

Barry and Larry were quite similar. They both were very weak in math and science, had no interest in the business world, and lacked the common sense required to be successful there. Moreover, they were too weak in science and biology to go into the health field. So, choosing a college major was a difficult task. Harry was the exact opposite, as he was brilliant in every respect and determined to be successful in the business world.

The boys grew up in Ashland Pennsylvania and graduated from Ashland High School. The city of Ashland is named after the millions and millions of tons of coal ash that was produced when coal was king and everyone had coal heat.

Anthracite University

Of course, they all wanted to go to Anthracite University in beautiful downtown Ashland. The university has a fascinating history. it was formed to teach the latest and greatest mining techniques. Now it is being used to promote the area and its people.

The university hired a group of liberals and progressives, and a few token conservatives from Harvard University and the other Ivy League schools. Now, the natives are promoting the myth that Anthracite University is an Ivy League School just like the University of Pennsylvania. Anthracite University is frequently abbreviated as A.U. This is done to deliberately confuse the university with American University in Washington D.C. This gives the university a lot of free publicity. Equally important, while offering very little itself, the university gets credit for doing the great things, and having the great programs that American University offers. It is a crass and transparent attempt to advance the university and its students. People are gullible and Anthracite University has more applicants and students then it ever had.

Getting Scholarships

Barry and Larry understood the atmosphere at Anthracite University. They came up with plans to get accepted and with a scholarship. Barry explained that he was going to major in government and politics, and specialize in international relations. Barry said that wars were caused by a simple failure to communicate among nations. He was going to be the next Henry Kissinger and fly all around the world and negotiate a solution to all the world's problems. Barry knew he would never pass the Foreign Service Entrance Examination and even become an entry level diplomat, but he could care less. He needed the scholarship money and being a political science major was a lot better than flipping hamburgs. The liberals and progressives on the admissions committee were very impressed and Barry was awarded a full scholarship.

Larry said he was going to be a broadcaster and ensure that all the great liberal causes of his generation received their fair share of coverage. He talked about his support for the Equal Rights Amendment, his opposition to conspicuous consumption, and his support for the green movement. Larry knew he would never even get a job at a local radio or television station, but he did not care he needed the scholarship money.

Harry was the practical businessman. On his application, he talked about how he was going to start his own company, develop green energy, achieve national energy independence, put the American People back to work, and end the unemployment problem once and for all. To their credit, the admissions committee tried to achieve some sense of balance and awarded Harry a full scholarship.

The Plan

Barry, Larry, and Harry got to know one another. Barry and Larry were extremely jealous as they knew Harry was well on his way to success. Harry had totally mastered the free enterprise system, and was well on his way to becoming the Ross Perot of his generation. So they devised a plan. Whenever they were with Harry they always talked about politics, so Harry would become fascinated with politics and become dissatisfied with business.

The plan worked like a charm. After graduation Harry got a job in private industry and started to work his way up. The problem was that he was simply not satisfied . So he left private industry and went to graduate school and got a Master's Degree in political science. Now Barry, Larry, and Harry are doing the same thing, writing articles about politics that nobody reads.

The Results

So the next time you wonder why you are so hopelessly unemployed with no economic future, you can thank these small town boys. The man who was destined to solve America's economic, energy, and employment problems does even work in private industry. He is wasting his time writing about politics. The situation is so bad and hopeless that the problem is being passed on to the President and Congress. For proof, just click here and read the article.

Source: http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/7910081/president_congress_must_find_a_solut
ion_pg2.html?cat=9