Snap Capps: The Rundown

I would've never imagined in a million years getting excited over one of those "As Seen on TV" products. But as they say, there's a first time for everything. My first time happened when I recently flipped through a Carol Wright mail order catalog. I don't shop Carol Wright (I get the catalog as junk mail) but sometimes I find the products it sells so funny I read the catalog for a laugh. On this day, that would all change.

As usual, I was scanning the latest issue of the catalog, snickering at the so-called "personal massagers" and other ridiculous items being listed, when suddenly I saw it-- the product that I was convinced was the greatest thing since sliced bread.

The product? Bottle Tops, those little plastic devices you snap onto the top of soda cans to retain their carbonation and keep them from spilling.

I know what you're thinking: what are you, crazy? I know. Bottle Tops-- and a rival product called Snap Capps-- have seen no shortage of ridicule from the general public. You can hardly blame anyone for that. The goofy, over the top commercials are practically mocking its product as it promotes it, making it seem like an earth-shattering, revolutionary solution to a problem that's long been solved with the existence of bottles. It doesn't help that Bottle Tops and Snapp Caps come from a long line of idiotic "As Seen on TV" products like the Snuggie, Slap Chop, ShamWow, Bedazzler, and other stuff too stupid to mention. As dumb as these products are, why would some plastic contraption that snaps onto the top of your can be any different and therefore less subject to ridicule?

As crazy as it sounds, the concept behind this product does have some practical use depending on your circumstances. Take me, for instance. In warmer weather, I like to spend an entire day cycling in the city. Naturally, this means I need to stay hydrated, so at some point during my commute I'll stop at a store to purchase something to drink. My favorite drink of choice is Arizona iced tea. Every time I buy it, though, I'm faced with a dilemma: Arizona comes in a 23 ounce container, just the right amount to last me the entire day. But because that container is a can, I can't carry it around with me without its content spilling everywhere. Yeah, I know-- I could just get the bottle (duh!). Thing is, the bottled version is only 20 ounces and more expensive than the 23 ounce can (over $1.40 in some places, compared to 99 cents for the 23 ouncer). So it's just not economical to buy the bottle for the sake of convenience.

Because of this problem I had to come up with a solution that would allow me to carry around an opened can of iced tea for several hours without creating a mess. Reusing an old bottle was one method, but by force of habit I would keep throwing them out before remembering to save one for my next trip. Besides, I didn't like the idea of carrying around a heavy glass bottle in my backpack.

Another solution was to buy one of those cheap plastic water bottles. But I really dislike squirt tops and you know how tricky they are to clean once that black gunk forms inside of them. I could've also gotten a thermos or some other type of vaccuum-sealed, high end space age container, but I'm cheap as hell, so that was out of the question.

Enter Snap Capps and Bottle Tops. No more having to carry a heavy glass bottle around on a commute or deal with black gunk. No embarrassing myself in public by opening my mouth like a seal and squirting fluid into it. Just carry this small, lightweight, ultra cheap device, snap it on a can of iced tea and I was good to go! What better solution to my problem, right?

Right?

Or so I thought. Not wanting to waste any time, I immediately purchased one of these gadgets to see if they would live up to their claims. I could've bought Bottle Tops, but because you have to buy them in bulk I settled instead for a Snap Capp, which you can buy individually.

The subject of my experiment was an opened can of Sprite that someone had left in the fridge the day before the Snap Capp arrived. A better guinea pig could not have been found. I immediately grabbed it and attempted to apply the cap. Instantly, I was faced with the first major problem with this product. In contrast to this product's name, these things are anything but a "snap" to put on a can. If anything, they literally require the force and dexterity normally reserved for things like installing memory cards and piecing together plumbing equipment.

In fact, this product is so difficult to apply that some users have even reported having to all but crush the can to put it on. I didn't have to go that far, but still, whether you crush the can or not, it's no easy feat to actually apply it. You actually have to maneuver it onto the can in a particular way, then apply major force to get it to snap on successfully. You will eventually manage to do it, but not without some effort and annoyance.

After carefully placing the Snap Capp onto the Sprite can and literally trying to force it to take with all my might, it finally snapped on pretty well-- perhaps a little too well. Because guess what happened when I had to get it off? I couldn't! I yanked, I pulled, I grunted and the thing wouldn't budge; I don't think removing a face hugger was this difficult.

The fact that the can was half empty didn't help matters; it was here when I encountered the "crushed can" problem that so many people have come across trying to put on the Snap Capps. The can just buckled under my grip, threatening to crack open and spill the remainder of its contents everywhere. Again, dexterity had to be used to remove the Snap Capp. Eventually it popped off, but by the time it did it became too apparent that as great as this thing was in theory, in practice the time and effort it took to apply wasn't worth it.

So strike one against Snap Capps-- they're too difficult to remove or take off.

Even though I'd made up my mind regarding this product, I wasn't quite done with my experiment yet; there was one more thing I wanted to test. After my terrible experience with the Sprite can, I started researching other problems people were having with both Snap Capps and Bottle Tops. I came across quite a few reviews lamenting that these caps don't fit every type of can. This was when I realized something that in hindsight was obvious but in my excitement I hadn't anticipated until it was too late. Fearing the worst, I took a trip down to the local store to see whether the Snapp Cap would fit my beloved 23 ounce can of iced tea, the very item that had caused me to buy the darned thing in the first place. Sure enough, the can was wider than the standard size that soda cans come in.

Strike two against these caps-- they only fit standard 12 ounce cans. That pretty much rules out energy drinks, 23 ounce cans of iced tea, and any other beverage that comes in a non-standard sized can. It even rules out cans that by all appearance look typical but aren't, such as soda cans in Hawaii, which are uniform from top to bottom. So if you're a drinker of one of these beverages hoping to make use of a Snap Capp or Bottle Top, you're SOL.

I have even worse news. According to many user reviews, Snap Capps and Bottle Tops do seem to do a good job of sealing cans up to the point of preventing leakage-- that is, if the can is perfectly made. However, if the can itself has a defect, the contents will leak or pour out without fail. It's easy to prevent this problem by just avoiding cans that are horribly dented, but what of the cans that look perfectly sound but have a dent too imperceptible to notice? Unfortunately, by the time you realize that the can is no good it will probably be too late to do anything about it.

One last downside to this product? Apparently, these things lose their ability to "snap on" over time, because they apparently start to stretch out from frequent usage. So by the time you've gained enough muscle to apply and remove Snap Capps, they become so stretched out that they lose their snapping ability. You want to talk about irony!

At any rate, there you have it-- my experience with Snap Capps and the "bottle top" concept: great idea, but poorly executed and nowhere as easy to use as their makers pretend. Maybe if the creators behind these products put out a new line that fits other cans outside of the standard soda can and designs them to be easier to put on, I'll be a fan. But for now, I'll just stick to recycled glass bottles and dreaded squirt tops.