Snapshot into the 79th Academy Awards

Every once in awhile, we are given a gift. A gift that is so sweet that to pass it up could be detrimental to our mental psyche. The gift to finally see that celebrities are indeed human. So incredibly human that for an instant, maybe even normal.

To normalcy...

1. Worst fashion decision of the evening:

Ellen! In utter amazement, it was the host who sported the worst outfit of the evening. The maroon velvet tux (hello! If those pant legs weren't tapered, than someone did a horrible job of lining them) and white shoes was just too beyond, even for Ellen. Some redemption came when she donned the well fitted white tux in the latter half of the show, too bad she didn't start with it.

2. Best interpretation of growing a tumor:

Nicole Kidman! I love Balenciaga, but seriously girls, have we not learned anything about perching obscenely large bows on top of a single shoulder? Other than reminiscing about your 1980's prom, please leave this look behind!

3. The most pathetic moment of the evening:

Ben Affleck! In the most apathetic, unmoving, emotionally void moment of the evening, Ben introduced an otherwise lovely montage depicting the writer and his process. Seriously, a smile could have helped...

4. Person with the most host envy:

Jerry Seinfeld! Anytime a microphone (or audience) is anywhere near Jerry, we expect a joke or two. However, when a presenter is getting more laughs than the host, give it up! We get it - you're a comedian, but is your career so dead that you have to turn presenting at the Oscars into an audition? Repeat after me: "I am not the host, I am not the host."

5. The lamest moment of the evening:

The Oscar producers/writers/whatever intern they put in charge of deciding to put in the obscure "factettes" to fill in the time while winners are making their way to the stage. One, do they need more validation that they are this great wonderful person and two, when you can't find anything great to say about their past (such as for someone who is brand new to the scene), it doesn't come across very nice when it is obvious that you had to dig deep to say something.

So there you have my top 5 reasons that no matter how famous or rich you are, you still can make mindless mistakes that prove you are still just one of us. And remember, if you indeed are the one who writes your own acceptance speech, you should be able to reflect the right intonation in your voice (attention Dreamgirls sound mixers).