Snickers Challenges the Boundaries of Masculinity in Super Bowl Ad

Snickers sponsored the sequel to Brokeback Mountain with its preview to Brokeback Mechanic during the Super Bowl today. It did not take long to catch innocent viewers offguard with the shock, awe, and horror of two greasemonkeys' lips touching in what must be more traumatic to children than any Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction. I mean I was traumatized, and I'm way over twenty-one. I think I'm still traumatized...

This ad starts with showing two guys working on a car in a garage. The premise seems simple. Perhaps they will arm wrestle over the Snickers bar I muse to myself. Alternatively, maybe dancing showgirls will come out of nowhere to entertain the best friends as they share the candy that makes your wildest dream come true, that makes your boring life as a nasty old auto mechanic become one of glitz and glamour! Obviously, I will never be chosen to write candy bar ads.

Alas, my dreams of scantily clad giant headdress-wearing hotties smashes into a million pieces as the ugly dudes mouths get closer and closer. It all started happening too fast -- the closeup, both guys chomping down on the same candy bar until--! I'm jumping off my armchair in super slow motion yelling, "No-o-o-o-o!" in that weird slowed down cow voice. Time stops - seconds too late. The ugly dudes just kissed. All is quiet as we mourn this godforsaken moment. I let out my best Charlton Heston-like wail, "Why? Why?!!" I'm still picking carpet padding out of my fingernails. Ok, maybe I am being a tad melodramatic.

Althought I had mixed feelings about it, this was still one of my favorite ads all night long. Finally something that was unpredictable, funny, and creative. To make amends for the accidental kiss (or so they say), the guys start ripping hair out of their chest and screaming to redeem themselves as the neanderthals they must prove themselves to be. This ending was somewhat of a letdown. When you have such an incredible hook, it's kind of disappointing when the finale is so, well, regular. An ad like this really needs a killer ending to go with such a bombshell beginning.

However, I have to admit that while I found this ad quite hilarious, I also felt a bit queasy. The one guy did have his eyes open and bit down anyway. Dude, you could have just grabbed it and ran. Or take a hint from Sprint and Bud Light and smack him in the forehead with something. While the comedic factor is important for an ad in this time slot, associating stomach nausea and the food product you're trying to peddle may or may not be the smartest idea. I mean maybe if they were two hot Scandinavian ice skater dudes you could get away with it.

Did I just say that out loud?

Just kidding. Who would have thought a candy bar commercial could be sexual?

Anyway, heterosexual males beware. Snickers bars may affect you in ways you had no idea of being possible. Sometimes if a thing is that good, you cannot help yourself. In this case though, a little restraint may have been in the best of interest of all involved.

Don't get me wrong - I'm all for live and let live. However, there are some things that are better left in the privacy of one's garage.

This ad, whether I like it or not, is destined to be burned into my memory for all of time. I just hope I don't wake up screaming in the middle of the night. I do not know if I will be able to look at my mechanic the same way again. Maybe if I slip him a Snickers bar he'll give me a discount.