Snooki from Jersey Shore Gets $32K to Speak at Rutgers

Everybody wants to be Snookied instead of beloved. This is the new global world, and folks had better get used to it because it's too late for the world to go back. Rutgers University Programming Association paid Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi from that darling reality TV show "Jersey Shore" $32,000. Snooki spoke to Rutgers on Thursday about her Snooki hairstyle, fist pumps, and what she calls GTL. Gym, tanning, laundry. That's her lifestyle. She's a celebrity. (see Huffington Post)

What some folks are in uproar over is Rutgers only paying writing sensation and American household philosopher, Toni Morrison, only $30,000 to speak for graduation in May. Morrison is a Nobel-winning novelist.

Why are folks perplexed that "Jersey Shore" star, Snooki, is being paid more than Nobel-winning novelist, Toni Morrison? Celebrity Gobbler has been explaining this for years (although at different celebrity venues). Some celebrities are worth more than others, and this all depends on the global situation.

Jesus was a celebrity (read here), but almost as famous as a celebrity can get. Like Charles Manson, Marilyn Monroe, and JFK. Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi has not nearly the power that the celebrities mentioned above have, but she is still more powerful than Toni Morrison. Even Tony Danza has more star power than Morrison. In fact, Morrison is lucky she's being paid at all to speak at Rutgers. The pleasure should be all hers.

If Jesus were going to speak at Rutgers (and he may have the chance on May 21, 2011 -- read here) the university would have to pay him $32,000,000,000,000,000,000. And that would barely be cutting it. Jesus probably wouldn't even want dollars, because all Americans know the Federal Reserve prints dollars on toilet paper. Jesus would demand gold to speak at Rutgers.

As far as Heaven and Hell are concerned, Celebrity Gobbler has the simple, but truthful stance. Even minor, low-level celebrities, like Toni Morrison, and mid-range celebrities, like Snooki, will go to Heaven. The mega celebrities, like Marilyn Monroe and Michael Jackson, will also surely go to Heaven. The superstar, global celebrities, like Jesus and Charles Manson, will have significant roles in Heaven.

All non-celebrities will not go to Heaven. The celebrities are going to be raptured into Heaven on May 21, 2011 (a month and a half from now), so you'd better work hard at becoming a celebrity before then. If you don't acquire some fame by May, you're doomed to die in the final earth fire on October 21, 2011.

Snooki and her $32,000 (money which is probably already spent) will be enjoying eternity in Paradise. All celebrities are sent to earth by God, and it is to Heaven that all celebrities will return.