So I Am Not Beautiful and Powerful...

Nancy Friday wrote a pop psychology book, "The Power of Beauty," in 1996. It is not a current read, but the title of the book has always stuck with me. I have never read the book, however, I have read some reviews and an Amazon.com editorial review stated, "Friday believes the world would be a much better place if women could only stop pretending that beauty isn't important."

Also, apparently, women should use their "beauty" as a power tool to advance themselves in society.

I would guess that Nancy Friday is a beautiful woman.

I admit I am not a physically beautiful person. I have never had the adoration of men who were initially attracted to me because of how I looked.

When I was growing up, I often heard people comment on my sister's looks. She was a conventionally beautiful child with naturally curly hair, and big brown eyes, and super-long eyelashes. She is still today, a beautiful woman, but my self-identity was formed early on from hearing comments on how beautiful my sister was in comparison to me with comments from family friends and relatives. On seeing my sister, I overheard, "Oh what a beautiful child," and then I would get a glance, and hear: "Oh, and how tall you are growing."

My sister grew into a socially popular person, and I became the "shy" one, quiet, and sometimes withdrawn. I never dated in high school, never went to prom, never experienced my first kiss from a boy until I was 18 years old. My self-confidence grew when I got rid of my thick lens-ed glasses, and got contacts. In college, I finally dated, but deep inside a part of me always felt like the skinny "ugly" girl with pop-bottled thick glasses.

I have tried to imagine what it must be like to by physically beautiful. I think of how different a person's life is when she or he is conventionally attractive. What must it be like to be adored and loved because you possess this trait of a beautiful outer self? I am not saying that beautiful people always have it easier in life just because they are beautiful, but I think they have initial acceptance in society because of it.

Reports on television and in the media have done investigations on how beautiful people compare to unattractive people. Under-cover investigations have found the results to favor the beautiful people in many areas of society. They seem to be given preferential treatment in job interviews, in the way they are treated at retail shops, and when a beautiful person's photograph is shown versus an attractive person's face, results have show that people have picked the beautiful person's face when asked which person would they "trust" more in a particular situation.

My goodness, even physically attractive serial killers have been given the benefit of the doubt by women admirers, think Ted Bundy, or Richard Ramirez, (who had women fighting over him on prison visits). Sick, but true. Bundy, no doubt, had some easy victims because they "trusted" him because of his looks.

If we go by Friday's general theme of her book, then it might be assumed this type of reaction to beautiful people should be used to full advantage by beautiful women in society. People react favorably to beautiful women, why not use it for advancement and power?

I am all for powerful women, beautiful or not. What I would prefer is a society that places emphasis on a woman's intellect, integrity, and savviness. I would like it if society would not label a woman with power, strength and aggressiveness the same as being a word that rhymes with witch.

Attracted as we are to beauty, we should also use our inherent senses that are drawn to beautiful people to value people, not for their level of physical attractiveness but with a sense that people should be judged by much more than how they look on the outside. Trust should not be immediately granted just because a person is physically attractive.

Of course, this is hard to achieve because at a young age, we are bombarded by the media's concepts of what beauty is in society. The role models we see in magazines, television, the movies, are all of beautiful people. Many top-notch business women executives are attractive women. Granted these women achieved their levels of power through hard work, determination, and intelligence. They deserve their positions because of the drive, determination, and sacrifices that were made to achieve their status in the upper echelons of the business world. But I am sure they were also aware that a certain level of physical attractiveness would aid them in their journey to success.

At one point in my career, I was told I would not be a successful Sales Account Executive because I was not "attractive" enough for that position. I could have changed my hair, worn my makeup a different way, worn the right clothes, but I just didn't have the level of attractiveness that would be necessary to succeed in face-to-face sales. Nothing was mentioned about my ability to sell based on my personality, my intellect, nor my past success of selling on the telephone. The manager who told me this was a woman, and she would not endorse me for the promotion.

Evidently, she was a woman who placed importance on beauty alone.

Granted, I should have worked harder if I really wanted to achieve success in that field, but I did not. I did not have the steely determination to plunge ahead despite that one obstacle, and that was probably another indication I would not have been successful. But that was not the reason why the manager would not endorse me, it was because I was, in her eyes, unattractive.

Today, I am a much more confident woman based on acceptance of myself and my abilities. Even though I will never know the power of being a beautiful woman, and how that can be empowering, I am content.

On a personal level, I am a loved woman by my husband, my children, my family and friends. It is more than anyone could ask for in life to love and to be loved.

That, to me, is very powerful.