So, You Believe in God

Why? Did someone scare you with hell, with the eternal torment of searing flames? Did a crazed Christian paint a picture of hell so frightful that you fell on your knees in repentance? You believe in God because it's a loop around final judgment. In other words, you believe in God to save your eternal ass. By repentance through fear, not by sincere repentance, you believe in God. Let's assume this compelled you to believe in God only at first. Let's assume you have matured and believe in God because you're genuinely sorry for your "sins." I leave that in quotes because we may have a differing definition of "sin." We can agree, though, that sin is something we want to avoid, whatever it is. So you pray to God to forgive you of your sins. You are suffering from unbearable guilt. This guilt compelled you to seek forgiveness because with it you couldn't live another day. This seems a good place to end.

Let's assume, though, that you matured more. You realize that you're guilty for hurting other people and being selfish. That you really should have said sorry to the girlfriend you abused, to the father you disrespected, or to the brother you hated. You go to them for forgiveness, but something terrible happens. They don't care. They won't forgive you because you were that despicable. Your words are meaningless to them. What now? It suddenly comes to you: you don't care if hell is real. You have made this life a hell and that's worse. You seek forgiveness now through action because it was action that got you into this mess. Actually, you're not seeking forgiveness anymore. You're seeking a way to right the wrongs and that's all that matters. These people you hurt don't need to forgive you. It's selfish to crave forgiveness. As long as you change to make humanity better, you are giving the world a real, respectable sorry. So, you pray to God for help. This seems to be another good place to end.

One more thing. You mature more. You no longer pray to God to be a better person. You help yourself. You make yourself a better person by learning what it means to be better. You become willing to learn anything and everything. You have a real desire to believe the good in others and to make others comfortable. God won't make you do anything, and you realize that if God were anything special, if he really knows everything, he will let you act on your own.

Forgive me: one more thing. You learn what compassion and love look like in action. You swell with pride that you've finally learned. Here is where you fall. Your pride blinds you and you lose some maturity. But you fight back, you relearn the things you learned before, and you watch out for those thoughts that make you blind and insensitive. You keep fighting for the Other Person until that day you rest your head in its final place. You leave having tried your damned hardest to make the world, the entire world, and everyone in it, something better than the fear of hell.