So, This Parenting Thing Gets Easier, Right?

Okay, seriously. Who has this parenting thing down? I've put in a solid 15 years at this trade and I feel like a rookie.

I remember the first time I laid eyes on my oldest daughter. All of the pain of having to push this 8 pound monster out was all lost the minute I stared into her eyes. I remember making her the promise that I would always love her. I would always be there for her. I promised her that no matter what happened in the future, I would always cherish everything about her. What a sucker I was.

That same fuzzy, adorable, loving little girl I made that promise to is now a teenager. We have conversations I don't understand. (OMG, Mom. LOL. U R Throwed....whatever that means.) She talks of things I have no interest in. She dresses in clothes that in my wildest dreams I could never picture a human in them let along my human child. She has friends that say weird things and a few of them stink. Speaking of stink, her room looks as if she has three dogs living in there. I haven't found them yet, but I am on the trail.

I embarrass her. I don't pay her enough attention. I'm too much into her business. I don't listen enough. I listen too much. I don't buy the right things. I buy too much of what she wants. There is no winning in this. Everyday my feelings of inadequacy grow. When will I be a super parent able to cook, clean, help with homework, and balance a checkbook without breaking a sweat?

As I look at my other daughter (the 3 year old who thinks that Christmas is about candy canes and lights), I have to wonder if I will have these same issues that I'm having with her sister years from now. She can't be as difficult, can she? After all, she was born on my birthday. Surely that is a sign that I will be afforded the opportunity to have a daughter who really likes me. Right?

As I sat pondering the future of my daughters and I, my oldest flopped down on the bed next to me, looked at me and smiled. For a moment, I had my baby girl back. Let's forget the part where she sighed as if I had done something horrendous to her by smiling back. Forget the part where she stomped out of my room muttering something to do with "omg" under her breath. I will just focus on the smile.

I will just remember in about 3 years, she will be packing up and leaving me for college. That saddens me. For so long, it was just me and her. Almost eleven years to be exact. I've had the chance to see her at her best. I've seen her shine. I've seen her less than glamorous moments where we both wanted to bury our heads in the sand for the next year. Best of all, I have watched her grow into a seemingly intelligent young lady. After years of just getting by, the child turned into an honor roll student in high school. Go figure.

Does it get easier? Will I ever be a super parent?

In the end, I think I will happily settle for being Ashe and Maya's mom.