So You Want to Be a Comedian?

Are you the life of the party? Do people tell you that you're a natural born comic? Do you secretly wish you could run away and join the circus, and you just graduated with your Ph.D. in Psychology? If you have answered yes to any of the above questions, you might want to consider pursuing the life of a humorist. Imagine making people laugh as a comedian, a sitcom writer, a humor columnist or even a clown. Stop dreaming about it and do something now. Operators are standing by to take your call.

Well, it may not be that simple; but, it's easier than you think. All you need is a joke, a story, an audience and perhaps a rubber chicken. I wonder who decided that chickens were funny. Personally, I think penguins are much funnier than chickens; although, you seldom hear penguin jokes. But, I digress.

You're ready to share your jokes and your zany wit with your audience. You finally realize that this is your true calling in life. Your family and friends think you're funny; and, so shall the rest of the world. Before you leave for Vegas or join The Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus, there are still a few things to consider.

It may not be as glamorous as you think. Wearing a big, red nose may not be funny to everybody, though, you may never have to share a seat with anybody on the bus again. Riding in a small car with a bunch of clowns may get a little old, even if you are saving money on gas; and, if you are doing the night club circuit as a comedian, you may tire of opening for a piano-playing chicken, an Elvis impersonator or a "dummy" who claims to be a descendant of Charlie McCarthy.

You may scoff at the naysayers and throw caution to the wind and pursue your dream. Who could really blame you? There most certainly are many, many aspects of this lifestyle that may appeal to you. The laughter, the limelight, traveling the country, sharing your dressing room with a chicken; what is there not to love?

While it all sounds very enticing, let's look at the downside to living the life of a comic. First of all, you may have to adjust your sleep schedule. If you're trying to write something humorous: a story, a book or a letter to your favorite comedian, but have one of those 9-5 jobs, you may have to do your writing at night when all your chores are done, everybody in the house is asleep and everything is quiet. You may even stay up until 2 in the morning writing and re-writing, only to throw it all away. It may have sounded funny at first, but after you take a quick 2 hour nap, it doesn't have the original zing to it. Well, it's back to the drawing board!!

On top of that, it's easy to get distracted. There's always the latest celebrity news to catch up on, laundry to do and that shower tile is not going to re-grout itself. You have put that off long enough. While you're in the middle of sorting coupons, you may remember that you were attempting to write a humorous story, a book or a letter to your favorite comedian. Needless to say, the hand on the clock is now creeping towards 3 and you wonder if you're really going to make it to work in the morning.

Another problem comics could face is stress. Let's face it; people try to get free advice from doctors, lawyers, and accountants. So why would they leave you alone? People will expect you to be funny all the time. It can't be done, unless you're my favorite comedian, who I wish I could name...but, that would just be name dropping.

Can you imagine somebody expecting you to be funny all the time? The stress could be overwhelming. In pursuit of this quest you may begin to write longer and longer, until 4 or 5 in the morning, trying to be even funnier, only to consume massive doses of caffeine so that you can work your 9-5 job, followed by more attempts at late night writing. It could be a vicious cycle.

If it wasn't for comedians, you probably wouldn't be up until 5 a.m. trying to write something funny. You're only trying to master some of their techniques and drinking caffeine around the clock seems to help you focus. There are so many great comedians: Bill Cosby, Dave Barry, Jerry Seinfeld, Carol Burnett and Homer Simpson. Well, I guess Homer isn't technically a person; but, at 6 o'clock in the morning it's hard to tell.

That's another issue. After awhile, one may lose touch with reality in the pursuit of a laugh. I know that Alfred E. Neuman would agree with me.

Sure there are drawbacks to being a comedian: sharing your dressing room with a rabbit, who had a falling out with the magician, riding in a packed car with a bunch of clowns, lack of sleep and temporarily losing touch with reality.

On the other hand, if you make one person laugh, it would all be worth it.

Well, that's about all for now. I think I'll read for awhile before I turn in. I may read some of my back issues of the "Miami Herald" or one of the humor books in my vast collection. Don't overlook buying books in thrift stores, especially humor ones. You might want to save a few dollars if you're not playing Vegas yet.

One last word of advice: don't forget to laugh at somebody's knock-knock jokes. They may return the favor and laugh at one of your chicken crossing the road jokes. I still don't understand Americans' obsession with chickens. What about penguins? I think they have been ignored far too long. Sure there was Opus, the penguin; but, where are the jokes about a penguin crossing an iceberg?

The world needs more comedians and hopefully you will soon join their ranks. There are plenty of doctors, lawyers, business executives and psychiatrists; but, it takes a special person to fill the shoes of a clown.

You could be that person.