So You Want to Be a Speechwriter?

First, many people ask why a CEO even needs a speechwriter. A CEO averages at least three speeches a week. This might be before a legislative committee, shareholders, potential investors, a safety meeting, a sales group, a local civic club, before vendors - well you get the idea.

And the CEO does not have time to write his own speeches. If a CEO earns three million a year to run a company, that is over $8,000 a day or over $1000 an hour to run a company; you don't want him wasting three hours a day writing speeches. It is easier to hire a speechwriter for about $50 an hour and the CEO can focus on running the company.

And many speeches take research, which the CEO just does not have time to complete. For example if he is giving a speech on economic development to the local Chamber of Commerce, what does he know about economic development? It is your job, as a speechwriter, to take all the data, put it in easy to understand terms , and then deliver the package to the CEO, who will deliver the speech, after giving it a quick glance.

The worse speech of the year for any speechwriter is the annual meeting speech. A CEO is like a baseball player. He lives and dies by the numbers. A baseball player may live by his ERA (pitchers) or batting average. Someone that bats 200 every year does not stay long in the major leagues.

It is the same for a CEO. They are paid and paid well to produce results. Earnings per share, profits, Return on Investments are the numbers that CEOs live by. If the earnings per share drop every year, the CEO will not last long.

An aside, I have worked with many CEOs and when I hear that employees complain that they have been good workers and have been loyal to the company for 10 years and now they are getting laid off, I have met few CEOs who really give a damn. Workers are overhead and if you can reduce overhead, for instance, by automating a process, the CEO is almost obligated to do it. If he doesn't, the competition will and if the competition lowers their labor cost, they can beat you to death in the market and the CEO, because the Earnings Per Share have dropped faster than a broken bungee cord, will be looking for a job.

Anyway - because the numbers are so important to a CEO, the annual meeting speech is a bear to write as you have to put the right spin on everything, explain the bad news in a positive light, brag about the good news, then spend the last part of the speech talking about future expectations. This speech is reviewed by every accountant and lawyer in the building then by every vice-president and then the CEO.

And a rule that every speechwriter quickly learns, is that everyone must justify their position in a corporation. So everyone that reviews the speech, to prove how vital they are to the CEO and company, is compelled to make a change.

Anyway - that is a quick glimpse into why annual meeting speeches are hell to write.

Another aside. CEOs are not normal people. They like walking into a room and feeling important. They have sacrificed families, wives, friends to earn that power. Many would work for a dollar a year for that sense of importance. And their egos are as big as their sense of entitlement. Plus, their egos make speechwriting a nerve wracking job. At any second they can say "Off with your head". I have friends who have survived only one week as a corporate speechwriter. The CEO didn't like their "style", their "insights" or maybe the way they polished their shoes .

And as an executive speechwriter, you have to hit the right note every time. Research the audience, know their biases, know their educational level, know what political capital the CEO is trying to gain by speaking before that specific group. And somedays you hit it out of the park. You know those days because you hear the CEO's voice in your head reading the speech as you write it.

But there are some days , you barely crawl to first base and you can go through a whole bottle of Tums on those days.

And every time you send a speech upstairs, you hope you got it right. As I said, I know speechwriters who were fired for sending up two bad speeches in a row.

I was lucky. I survived over 12 years as an executive speechwriter, but that also meant moving. Because when the CEO gets fired, odds are you will be fired too and with luck you find another speechwriting job and stock up on antacids and start all over again.