So You Want to Be Ward and June Cleaver?

Everyone says that they want to be a good parent, but it is not like they send you home from the hospital with an instruction manual on your child. And no matter how many people give you advice or how many books and articles you read, it is ultimately up to you to determine what kind of parent you are going to be.

As a parent if you take one piece of advice from anyone, it should be that consistency is key. If one day your child jumps off the couch and you allow it, thinking it was cute, and then the next day he does it again and you discipline him for it because he might get hurt, the child is not going to understand. Anyone who has had a pet knows that it is very important to be consistent. If the rules change day by day, then the child or pet will get confused and not know what is right and what is wrong. Not to compare your child with a pet, but the fundamentals of teaching each are similar.

If you set a rule in your house, the rule should always apply. And the rules should apply to everyone in your house...including you. Many parents do not see this; they do not see that if they are eating while sitting on the couch, they cannot expect a child to listen and not eat on the couch. You need to set an example for your children. They learn by watching you. The old "do as I say, not as I do" parenting approach is unfair to children.

Parents also may not see that some examples they set can hurt children later on in life. If you ask your child to lie for you, like "tell Grandma that we went to church today", your child is essentially learning to lie and thinking that lying is ok. Lying is not ok under most circumstances. Children need to be taught, and taught earlier than most people think, the difference between white lies and a real lie. Children start to test their lying skills at around 4 or 5 years of age. Children who are using their imagination and telling tales or making up imaginary friends are harmless. It is when a child lies to get out of a punishment that real damage can be done. But telling their little friend Susie that they like her dress when they really don't, is called being polite.

To be successful in life, your child needs rules and limits. But there comes a point in a child's life, where a little independence is needed. This is when you need to adapt your parenting skills to fit your child. If your child shows signs of wanting some independence and freedom, there is no harm in fostering that...to a point. No, your eleven year old is not old enough to stay home alone for a weekend, but is old enough to walk to a friend's house if it is safe.

Everyone has heard the old adage "treat others as you would like to be treated". Well, the same goes for your little one. Yes, they are people too. It is just as important for you to give your child respect as it is for them to respect you. Obviously if you yell at your child, it is not acceptable that they yell back at you; you are not equals. But parents do not realize that children pay attention to how their parents treat them and each other. This is a child's first lesson on relationships.

The simplest lesson is to love your child. Forty years ago parents were told not to pick up a baby when it cries because you will spoil it. Now we are told to pick up a baby and that you cannot spoil a baby. Whatever you choose to do, you should always show your child love. Spoiling comes from not having boundaries, giving in to your children and giving them too many material things. Yes, your child can have too many toys, but he can never have too much of your love.