So Why Are Arguments Good?
My Wife and I Are Madly in Love -- That's Why We Argue so Much!
Will someone tell me - why are arguments good?
A couple can only argue so much before the entire process gets redundant. And arguing gets redundant because an argument is the by-product of a lack of results. Think about it: couples don't argue about money because there's too much of it lying around - but because there's not enough. A couple doesn't argue about sex because they're wearing out the sheets every night - but rather for the lack of the same! I'm trying to write this article and dodge flying plates not due to either of the above but because my significant other doesn't think I get the work around the house done quickly enough. Again - I just proved my point: I don't think I've ever been reprimanded for doing too much work around the house.
According to sixwise.com, the top 5 things that couples argue about are money, sex, work, children and housework. Uh oh. Maybe I should start to worry just a little bit.
I just reminded the love of my life that many health professionals feel that all this bickering is good for us - that it will refresh a couple's batteries. In fact, research from the Center for Marital and Family Studiesat the University of Denver found that couples who argue are more likely to be satisfied with their marriages than couples who withdraw from conflict. I also opined to my soul-mate that no divorce lawyer in his or her right mind would believe a couple would split up because the lawn didn't get cut on time! Which reminds me of another thing: according to the "hierarchy of needs" theory, once one need is met another takes its place. So even though the lawn is cut and garage is clean and new caulking has been put around all the windows, there will ALWAYS be anther reason to argue because there will always be something ELSE that needs to be done!
But I digress.
Inherit to all arguments is the fact that somewhere, deep within our psyche is an "off" button. You can only pursue an argument so far. I personally feel that there should be a word count to arguments. If it can't be said in 100 words or less than it shouldn't be said at all. Heck, I got an even better idea -- just send me a fax:
Dear Gary,
Cut the damn grass!
Love and Kisses,
Giulia
One thing is for sure -- an argument (just like the one I'm having now) will eventually end. How it ends depends on the couple. After nearly 23 years of wedded bliss, my wife knows that I know that not only will the grass get cut but that I'm crazy about her. So maybe some good does result from an argument. Maybe the "sender" will understand the "receiver" a little bit better. At least that's the hope.
Until then, I need to slip into some coveralls and edge the sidewalk.
Published by Gary Picariello
I've traveled the world as a Broadcast Journalist working for the American Forces Radio & Television Service in the United States Air Force. Now happily retired after 23 years of service, and currently livin... View profile
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12 Comments
Post a CommentI have always thought of an "argument" as an attempt to persuade someone of a particular point of view, in that regard arguments are good. Not so much when they become heated. You've written a very thoughtful article.
I try to anticipate the possibility of an argument and talk about the issue before it gets to that point. arguments are OK depending on the spirit of the argument and whether it solves the issue or just perpetuates anger and unresolve. I really enjoyed your sense of humor. thanks for the fun read!
In this house arguments are not good because a certain person is unreasonable, and no, it isn't me! During the last argument he ended up arguing with himself because I refused to play into it, and I just about packed my things. In SOME cases an argument is good, but it depends on the situation. Sometimes the argument has deeper roots and the air will not be cleared. I can't change him, and he certainly won't change me. I'm not a fighter, but he is, and something is always wrong. I like the way you wrote this though - especially the humor you interjected. Your personality came through in this. Nice job!
Arguments are NOT good!
Great article. I have heard it not that you argue it's how you argue.
I believe in a good argument, clears the air - but it should be (as you note) short and not lasting for weeks, months, years.
Those five things are nothing....what about putting on a new roll of toilet paper????? Great and funny read!
I guess agruing is good as long as the agrument doesn't get out-of-hand. It's good to communicate and get things out of your system. Holding things in caused too much stress and frustration and can lead to health problems. Then again, agruing too much poses a problem because things can get hostile.
You gave me a great laugh with this article, Gary! And it provides useful guidelines as well. What a great presentation on a topic that involves pretty much every married couple in the world. I like your FAX idea on the "to-do" list! Another enjoyable read, as always!
Interesting and funny article, Gary. It all depends upon how you define "argue." Good communication where disagreements are worked out in a spirited manner is healthy. Although going ballistic might make you temporarily feel good, there's usually a price to pay, and it doesn't really solve anything. In the first case, people talk to each other. In the second, they yell, bark, etc. past each other.