Social Anxiety Disorder in Children

It is not at all uncommon for children to be shy around strangers, and that can actually be a good thing when it comes to keeping your kids safe from strangers and teaching them about "stranger danger".

What many parents don't know is how to tell when the shy behavior of their child becomes a problem. Or, even what that problem might be.

If your child seems to be painfully shy, so much that it has become an issue for them to live a normal daily life, he or she may be suffering from Social Anxiety Disorder.

Many children with Social Anxiety are written off as being extremely shy and nervous, and their anxiety is left undiagnosed. As a result, some are pushed more into social activates, which can cause their disorder to become worse.

It is important to note that children with Social Anxiety Disorder are not just shy. They are literally held back by their disorder, and none of their withdrawn behavior is a choice they make. Many would love to be social and want to be, but simply can not do it. Children with Social Anxiety often feel extremely insecure, unwanted or unloved, and are convinced that they are disliked. Their feelings are easily hurt, and they easily feel rejected.

These children have more than just a hard time making friends, and have very few, if any at all. They fear school, public speaking, public places such as the mall or the park, and rarely join after school activities. If they are forced into social interactions, they may have anxiety attacks. In anticipation of upcoming events, they may vomit, cry, and be unable to fall asleep even many nights in advance. Many children with Social Anxiety Disorder feign illness to get out of things such as school, and others simply refuse to go.

During social interactions, even ones as simple as being spoken to by one person, a child with Social Anxiety Disorder may blush, become nervous, begin to sweat, or even begin to stutter. They may look at the floor or their feet and refuse to respond in any way, even if encouraged to by their parents.

Though it can be quite frustrating for parents and other family members, it must be remembered that your child is not trying to upset you. They are not trying to push your buttons or push you to anger. This is a disorder, a handicap, and your child simply can't control it. People who haven't suffered with a disorder such as this may think that it is something you can just get over, or that it can just be ignored if the sufferer of the disorder really wants to move on. This is in no way true. In the same way a child with a broken leg won't be able to go running, a child with Social Anxiety won't be able to force his or her self into normal interactions.

Social Anxiety is not something a child can simply "grow out of". It is not a phase or a stage they are going through. If left untreated, Social Anxiety is something that will hold them back all their lives. There is no set in stone reason for the development of this disorder, and though many think that it is only abused children who have it, a child from a wonderful, loving home has the same chance of having this disorder. There is no fault, and no reason to be ashamed.

There are many things you as a parent can do to help your child with Social Anxiety, outside of getting them professional help. (Though please remember, the sooner your child sees a therapist, the sooner he or she can be diagnosed and treatment can start. These coping mechanisms are best used along side of therapy, unless your child's therapist says otherwise. Every case, like every child, is entirely unique.)

Having a comfort item can in itself be a major help, and most children will create one of these themselves. If your child has a certain toy, picture, or clothing article that he or she uses as a "security blanket", do not take it away. Encourage your child to use it in stressful, social situations and allow them to bring it with them until they no longer need it. (Some adults with Social Anxiety Disorder have service animals they take with them for this reason.)

Encourage your child to talk to you about how they feel. As a child, dealing with something like this can be difficult. Children have a hard time understanding that things like this are out of their, and their parents control. Stress the fact that your child is not "bad", and that nobody is angry at them or dislikes them for it. Your child may have a hard time putting into words what is going on, and probably will not understand that they aren't causing themselves to be this way.

Try to explain what Social Anxiety Disorder is in simple, age appropriate ways. Use the name Social Anxiety Disorder when explaining it, and talk about it comfortably. Remember, if you aren't comfortable and accepting about it, your child won't be either. Let them know you accept and love them completely, even with Social Anxiety.

Please, never push your child into social situations he or she isn't comfortable with. A licensed therapist will be able to help you determine what your child is ready for, and the process will take many, long steps. If you push too hard too soon, you will only heighten the fear of social interactions for your child, and may put a strain on the trust they have in you.

There is no cure for this disorder, but with treatment from a therapist, and acceptance from you, your child can be taught to cope with and handle their anxiety, and your child will learn how to live a normal happy life.