Social Media and Teens; Don't Fear It, Be a Part of It!

The issues involved in parenting are as complex as the issues of living itself. If one can define their parenting 'style' with their teen it follows they should know your expectations. At the same time it is only normal for teens and their parents to take issue with what is in style and what is not.

This leads to the topic of social media and teens. Here is an example of what can happen when adults do not understand the social media that teens are using. A teen 'tweeted' her opinion of her Governor's speech at school. She tweeted the event 'blows'. This gets back to the Governor who takes offense and goes to the school's Principle. The Principle sees this as a case of a student deserving reprimand and owing the Governor an apology. Then the press got wind of it. It was a great way for the High School Principal and Governor to appear foolish, behind the times and definitely not cool.

Currently the big story with social media is facebook. Facebook is what most of our teens social network with (*Pew Report 2010, 80% 18-25 year olds use and have a facebook page). If your teen is on facebook and you are not, ask yourself "why not?" Facebook is great for keeping abreast of your teen's day and provides glimpses into the state of their social circles. If as a parent you think facebook has nothing to offer you, remember what you told your pre-schooler: "you won't know if you like it until you try it."

Here are my tips for using facebook as a tool for better parenting. Ask your teen about their online habits. Be non-judgemental and try not bring up 'horror stories' you have read about the dangers on facebook. No good parent thinks it's OK for our teens to have relationships with adults we do not know. That is why joining facebook is important. We can see who are children are talking to.
If you do not have a facebook page you can sign up for one free. If the whole FB thing intimidates you make your teen help you. Or have them build it. Once you have your page set-up you need to 'friend' your teen. They must accept you to make this possible. More about this later.
The next part I will mention but each parent/child unit is unique so there is no one FB standard that applies to all. Unless your teen really is your best friend (there are many cases), they generally do not welcome your comments interloping into their social circles especially when applied to 'personal matters'. It should come as no surprise why teens need their privacy. They are learning to become adults and they have to do it on their own. My situation allows me to access his 'wall', friends list, etc., and in return I keep (for the most part) out of his social life.

If you are paying for your teen's internet access or cell phone, there really should be no argument as to what you may or may not be able to keep tabs on. You pay for it-you own it. Read whatever content your teen may be posting before having a meaningful discussion about social media with them. I performed a news search with the key words 'teens' and 'facebook' and found many articles addressing the issue, most of them negative. For example, a bullying situation occurs on FB and articles appear sounding the alarm of yet another FB threat. Sorry, but bullying (in all it's forms) remains more of a school yard danger than an on-line danger. Another unwarranted fear is the exposure to predators that FB is thought to be inhabited by. Once again, predators are a fact of the real world and it remains that most cases of abuse are initiated as crimes of opportunity or worse...by someone the child already knows. A teenager should be able to make their own choices as to how they manage their 'friends' list. You as the parent have the responsibility to be made aware of it. The web is a fact of life now and barring it as one would, say TV, has the same effect. The culture of today's entertainment will reach your child in one form or another. There is only so much a parent can do so best be aware of it rather than to shun it. The fears attributed to social media and it's impact to teens have been overblown. Fear based reporting finds a larger audience but any risk can be dealt with rationally. The myth of the 'boogyman' is always partially true in any era, but if the on-line scene still makes you nervous I suggest visiting FB and clicking to one of their many links about teen safety. There is so much information there a parent can feel like FB is on their side.

C'mon, if your teen is on facebook and your not, then it's time to get cool by 'friending' your own kid. Don't worry about what it sounds like. Just do it!