Socialization of Children: Society Molds Masculine or Feminine Children

Going through college, I never contemplated the tasks and dilemmas of raising children. Besides diapers and the constant care, there are more challenging tasks that are deeper and more complex, which some parents don't even know they are instituting and most likely completing. To socialize a child according to today's social views might seem hard, but if it second nature to me, the parent, I don't even have to recognize it if I live that way. Before the sperm penetrates the egg, there are social expectations of those chromosomes before even becoming an embryo. What is it to be a male (boy, man, masculine) and female (girl, woman, feminine)? The real question is what consequences and problems will arise due to these set ideals and expectations and how they exist. Let us first talk about what masculine and feminine means to be. It is not the biological aspect, which includes the obvious difference of penis and vagina, but rather an idea. The only explanation of one is in subjective comparison to the other. If something is not masculine it is feminine, and vise versa. I look at Plato's explanation of Forms and compare it to his work to relate it to these two ideals. There is the possibility of over-arching ideals (Forms) for masculine and feminine but we should say that is a view as a result of culture or society. I do not think that there are "truths" to masculinity and femininity and that is does not have to match to the sex of what it is describing. We know as Sociologists that they are other societies in which masculinity and femininity are "switched" in sex, compared to our culture. Our culture states what is it to be feminine and masculine, but really one cannot exist without the other.

So now my children, Kyle and Katie, are born. Let's say that I am a pioneer and decide to go against the views of society. We do not usually acknowledge what a small aspect such as a name of a person implies. Like I stated, I do not wish to abide by the rules and regulations, so I have decided to name the male Katie and the female Kyle. I suspect that this will have effects on how my children are treated and how they perceive issues such as gender. There is a huge chance that my positive teachings on gender and what it is will not have an effect, as compared to the Mass Media, peers, schooling, and the inescapable bias as the society as a whole. Well, I should start teaching them at the beginning. What is the beginning? Maybe I should treat the male infant a little more roughly and notice his strength and power, since that is how males should be. I could treat the female as a piece of porcelain, so sweet and submissive. Let us say I do not know which baby has the penis or vagina as a metaphor and will treat them as the same. If I was a typical parent that does not realize this, I would do things differently. I would dress the female in pink as compared to blue for the male. I would buy the masculine Nike basketball shoes for the boy compared to the frilly, pink shoes for the girl. This shows that colors, names and other such things are correlated with gender. If I wanted to show no gender in anyway I would have to dress the baby in some neutral color such as yellow and refer to the infant as 'it.' This is hard to do and is not ideal, and shows no differences or characteristics. This is the simple terms on how to show no gender differences or gender inequality. The overwhelming majority of families today are not like this, mainly because those views could not be paralleled with society's views. These views seem like another world, and the opposite is how society today actually works.

So how then does masculinity and femininity function and continue to do so? It is either from some sort of biological determinism or socialized function, possibly a combination of both. A biological determinism is probably the most excepted view towards understanding this. If we are born with a "pre-determined" path of how males and females are destined to function and live, then there is no question as to why they behave in that manner. In hunting and gathering societies, it made the most sense that women stayed back to care for children and such things, while men hunted. Today, obviously, there is no reason as to why this should still be instilled. The only thing I can think of that relates to this is breastfeeding, and scientifically we could probably come close to matching mother's milk. This is a drastic measure, most would say, but does not mean that women must be "slaves" to the home. There are possibilities that could show biological determinism, but does not come close justifying the gender issues of today. The view I trust in, along with Sociologists, is a socialization explanation. We understand through studies and research that most of the guidelines associated with gender is due to the society's views. Not all societies are the same, regarding gender, so this shows that biological determinism is not a central theme to gender roles. Society shapes our views, for instance gender. I would give society a primary reason to issues concerning gender and racism.

Let us say that Kyle is the male and Katie is the female from now on, since this is more of a normal circumstance. First I will speak to Kyle, and he is around let us say five years of age. Remember, I am acting in the norm of how most families would instill values. I would give him G.I. Joe "action figures" and show him sports. I will do the same for Katie, but not the same types. For Kyle I will encourage him to join a football or baseball team. Katie can do the same, but most likely I would push more towards soft ball or perhaps gymnastics or cheerleading. Showing what sports are suitable for each gender shows regulation on how my children should act. Football is a tough and physically rough game, which is too dangerous for females apparently. Kyle would not be encouraged to join a gymnastics team before the male past time, baseball, even if gymnastics started male prominent. He would definitely not be a cheerleader, because that is homosexual, a completely different issue but one that still has dramatic effects on gender. He would do the things that are masculine, which are adversely the opposite of femininity. Katie is a different sector as in that she should act opposed to masculinity. She would receive Barbie dolls and baby dolls that are fragile instead of Kyle's hard gun-slinging war heroes. She would receive a play kitchen, just as her mother probably had when she was a little girl. Even gifts show children how to act now and in the future. Kyle and Katie, once these ideas are instilled, will pass them on to their children, thus keeping the trends alive. In my personal experience, my mother gave me a play kitchen and my father was furious because I should obviously not have that, even though he loved to cook. My first day at Thiel College, when my father and I were walking around and a cheerleader approached us. She asks if I would be interested in the cheer squad and I gave my name and phone number. When we walked away, we gave each other a smile and he asked if I would consider it. When I gave a 'no' with a laugh, he claimed that was the best move if I did not want to carry the view of being too feminine or homosexual. Now I think, not only the male would be viewed as homosexual or the female be viewed as a 'tomboy,' but what is the thought of the parenting? Society would claim it to be wrong if you instilled the opposite gender roles according to sex, because of the consequences attached to it. Even if you wanted to teach your children of gender issues, teaching them the opposite is just as wrong, if not worse of teaching the stereotypes. I would not have to teach the opposite of most parents, but talk to Kyle and Katie about what gender roles are and how they show us the social norm. All in all, naming the female Katie and the male Kyle, maybe I am doing more harm then good. So if I do not teach the opposite, I am inclined to teach the 'norm' which again keeps the gender roles progressing.

This is about how far I can give my views on gender with my children. I have given the most basic ideas as in males are strong and protective and women being "ladies" and mothers. The rest is up to the major driving powers of society, such as peers and media. Peers, as in school mates and close friends will have an equal, if not larger impact on my children concerning this. I will not have to show my son and daughter what is acceptable to wear to school, because the other children already will act if they dress "wrong"I obviously choose how to dress Kyle and Katie when they are infants and toddlers, but they end up making the decisions on what is right to wear on their own. I have a great example of this, which I heard while writing this. My girlfriend was telling me about her brother, which is in ninth grade. His peers taunt and tease him for being gay. They call him gay and a fag, but what did he do? He is not gay, which no one is fully straight or gay, but may have the tendencies to be metro sexual. It is definitely no doubt that males walk a straight line as in how to act and even dress. I know I have not worn a pair of jeans to school after being told they were "gay", despite the fact that I enjoyed them. I do not believe that it is wrong for males to be more feminine, or for females to be more masculine. I always noticed that peers, as younger ages, would tolerate a more masculine female than feminine males. Jump ahead to college and it is more tolerable for metro sexual (feminine) males than masculine females. A male in my opinion walks a straight line, but if he goes over, then it is still acceptable by the other sex. If a female does the same, then she is rejected by both sexes. Like I said, this is in my opinion based on what I have encountered and could be proven to be the total opposite.

In later years of life, above 16 for example, there are similar but even more harmful effects on gender types. Males are increasingly being forced to act masculine and powerful. Women are shown to be sexy and ladies. The effects of views such of these are devastating. The most obvious is society's view of being overweight. This goes for both males and females, but is relatively more for females. Body dysmorphia and eating disorders are only the beginning, not even touching into psychological complications. I do believe that issues such as the soul of beauty and what is not beautiful is due to the Mass Media. From commercials to magazines, males are shown to be strong and masculine and women to be sexy and passive. How can adults, let alone children, deal with these views? We go to pills, makeup, clothes and unhealthy dieting which proves we only believe what the media says is beautiful. The negative seems to outweigh the positive concerning gender and the roles according to it. Is there a way to stop the negative, or even change it?