Solidity of Purpose IV

A woman sits in her bedroom with her boyfriend. He asks her to have sex with him. She says, "No!" He tells her, "I love you, and I will never leave you for as long as I live." She has a passionate night of sex with the man. The next morning she starts to experience burning when she urinates. The doctor finds that she gonorrhea and herpes a few days later. Further down the line, she misses her period. When she calls the boy to talk he is not home. She goes to his house, and the door is open. She then walks up the stairs only to catch the boy in bed with another woman. She then gets an abortion and starts to have sex with any body she can while she drinks herself to another world. Years later, she becomes a drug addict and becomes even more gone.

Chapter One: False Love

In our world today, so many people gain relationships, and they are fooled into believing that another person loves them more than that individual does. Then, when these people are done wrong by the person they thought loved them, they think that everyone is like that person and start to treat others the same. Sometimes, they feel so down on their self for compromising their morals that they tend to fall deeper into trouble. Eventually, they get so deep that they feel trapped and unreachable. The cause of these things is the consequence of a false love.

In false love, it is a relationship where priorities aren't kept. In these relationships, said couple sacrifices morals. Person A looks at a wolf as if that wolf were a sheep. For this wolf, the person sacrifices morals, friendships, and many other things. However, the relationship turns abusive sexually, spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally.

The sexual abuse comes in because they think that this is the person for them. The person puts their self in a compromising position. The person thinks that they need sex as a right of passage because they don't know better. Or the person thinks that they are loved by the other person. The problem is that sex is kind of like glue. Often you tend to bond with the person when you have a sexual relationship with them. Another thing that happens is that people have sex with so many people that they become calloused. This happens when person moves from partner to partner. If you bond two pieces of rubber with glue and break the bond to re-bond it to another piece of rubber with glue, then it will not bond as well as it did before. The more and more you re-bond the rubber the less it will bond, and this is what sexual abuse is.

Spiritual abuse starts when a person starts to value a person above God. The person starts to worship the individual while putting them on a platform above his or her self. Sometimes person B tells person A to pull away from those things that are holy and righteous. When person B gets person A to sacrifice moral beliefs, then person A is allowing his/her self to be spiritually abused.

Physical abuse often starts with one of four reasons. Reason one is that the couple is going through hard times and the partner does not stand up against prior incidents which create a snowball effect. Reason two is because person A gets in a relationship that they know is bad; however, person A thinks that he/she can change person B. This is trouble waiting to happen. Reason three is that person A gets involved with person B while person B is kinder and gentler; then once person B gets comfortable he/she starts to change and let his/her real attitude happens. Finally, there is the forced relationship. Some people try to force people to be with them. Sometimes, the forced person becomes abusive seeing this as the only temporary escape and release for his/her entrapment as a form of rebellion.

Mental abuse starts when a person A is constantly put down by person B. The only difference between mental and emotional abuse is that mental abuse is an assault against a personal intelligence whereas emotional abuse plays against one's emotions. Mental abuse makes one feel stupid daily. Emotional abuse can make a person feel sadness and sometimes anxiety. Both are dangerous alone, but often they are fused together and indifferent.

A relationship built off of any of these principals is asking for death before the relationship even begins. Would you try to grow a flower in a pot of salt? Obviously no flower should be placed in a pot of salt, for if this flower were to be placed in a pot of salt, then it would not be able to grow due to lack of reception of nutrients. Relationships need to be in an environment where they can be nurtured and people can grow in love, and they need not be in pots of salt or fire that will drain or burn the relationship. As well, trust is the number one needed item in a relationship. None of the conditions above can gain a true trust. This is why those things above are characteristics of a false love.

Chapter Two: Avoiding False Love

Despite those things that define false love, there are many ways to find true love. It is easy to fall into a false love, but there are many ways to grow into a true love that will grow ever so strong. So here are seven ways to avoid falling into a false love.

First of all, one must prioritize their relationships. In Solidity of Purpose I had this to say, "Before making relationships strong, one must prioritize. Build your relationships in this order: God, wife, family, friendships, authorities, supervisors, associates, and enemies. You must prioritize because often you will have to choose between one or the other and you must choose the right one or you will be pummeled." Laying ground rules and putting God first starts the relationship out on a firm foundation, and it gives your mate something to live up to as well as yourself. Proper ethics make sure that relationship is well grounded. This means that you should first start the person out on an associate level. As time goes on you can progress them to friendship, family, and then finally potential spouse. Eventually, when the relationship is built up enough you can press on to husband and wife.

Second is to keep God first. Putting God first is always paramount; however, you can put God first and forget to keep him them. Following God is like an endurance run. It doesn't matter where you finish, for all that matters is that you finish. I remember running on the track I would fall down, so you know what I did. I got back up and continued to run. One time I fell and there was more permanent damage. I then started to walk after I got back on track, and I still run with a goal of completion. I understand that in relationships we stumble just as we do on the track. Believe me, I have stumbled a number of times in relationships. You know what I did. I repented, and I came back from my sin with God leading me to the right paths. I still struggle with sin, but we will not be free until we reach the finish line. Therefore, we must admit our mistakes, and press on. God will forgive. We just need to keep perspective.

Third, we must build up our relationship. Take time to talk to your potential mate. Let us not fool ourselves. True dating is about finding a person to settle down with and get married to. If we do not practice building trusts from the foundation, then the relationship is doomed. We must know whom we are with.

Fourth, avoid sex. Sex before marriage is totally evil. Granted even if you make the mistake of doing it then stray away from it. If you abstain, I can guarantee that your premarital relationship will be more fruitful, and you will learn more about your potential mate. Not only that, but if you fornicate then it acts like a glue. You will end up becoming attached to that person, and an unnatural bond will have been created.

The fifth principle is to build up trust. If you do not have trust, then as said before the relationship is nothing but trash. There will always be a shaky foundation, and you will continue to have more arguments than need be. Trust is the most essential part of the relationship.

The sixth thing to do is to test the waters. Get your potential mate tested for STDs to avoid entering a relationship with more of a dirty slate if there was premarital sex on any person's part. Talk to each other about controversial issues. Watch how the person acts around his/her friends. Get some distance for an extended amount of time. Test the others patience (not temperament) as in see how long a person is willing to wait for something. Don't hide anything from anyone, for it is beneficial to be forthright.

The seventh thing to do is to converse more. Talk about hard hitting issues such as politics, spirituality (deeper than earlier conversations), and children, for then you will be on the same page. Talk about the marriage and any future issues that may come up. Talk about where you will live and any financial plans. Get everything out on the open. It can't hurt if you talk about any more things before marriage, for after marriage that person will become like a second mind and these along with other small topics will come up in marriage. It is better to hash out something before marriage than it is to wait until after because you will eventually have to discuss it. I think it is better to meet issues head on than it is to wait until the topic comes up. Be prepared...

These seven things can easily funnel out the wrong people. For one, the absence of sex will push them away. Keeping God first will push away those that hate God. Finally, the other things will put the person you are looking for closer to you, and those that don't believe in what you do will either try to change, or they will go far from you. However, this is not fool proof, for it is impossible for everyone to do a perfect run, and many of us will fall. Of course, our mistakes are the perfect things to humble us and tell us why we need God first in all of our relationships. Combat false love with these steps.

Chapter Three: Forgiving

Sometimes, avoiding false love means revisiting the past and leaving the past behind us. I have had many girlfriends that have slept around on me. I have struggle with finding the right person, and sometimes, I feel hopeless to find the person that as meant for me. However, I must not look at the past, for not every woman is going to cheat on me. Not every woman is going to be dishonest. No two people are the same.

Forgiving is the tougher part of love. I have learned that in order to take a chance on the next potential person, I needed to forgive the last potential person. A few times, a person had slept around on me, and I had to forgive to expect other women not to do the same; of course, I am prepared for it.

Sometimes, I think of my mistake that I did. None of them was cheating on my girlfriend, for I am a loyalist when it comes to going out with women. Of course, I have had my relationship mistakes. For example, I don't always show up on time to dates, but it is usually one minute late or because my military job had held me up, so it is forgivable. However, tardiness is not acceptable, not at all.

Aside from those things above, I have had to sacrifice relationships for my job. I struggle with the most pain because of that. Then, I have failed a number of times to follow God's rules that were set in to place for my well being. I harbor the most dislike against myself for failing to keep one major goal of mine.

Unfortunately, not being able to forgive myself is worse than not forgiving someone else, for you become depressed because of your mistakes. You don't have a problem admitting your mistakes; you may have a problem with beating up yourself. Even if someone else does wrong, you may associate the problem as something that is your fault. Forgiving yourself is sometimes harder than anything else, but God gets can get you through it. Believe me; I deal with this struggle a lot.

Chapter Four: Forgetting

So forgiving others and self is important, but it is fruitless without leaving the past behind. In "Solidity of Purpose II" it states this about forgetting and forgiveness, "Those things we have done should remain in the past. They should only be remembered as things to be grateful for that they did not destroy us. In summation we must come to terms with who we really are. We are sinful individuals, and everyone makes mistakes. We are not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. Therefore, thinking that we are worse than anyone else is nothing but pure foolishness. No one is good on his own accord at least not in accordance with perfection. If any man tells you that they are, then they are blowing smoke through your tail.

In recollection, you are not the worse person in the world. In life there are three levels. Good, Center, and Evil. Good is the ultimate ethical basis. No one can achieve this level ever. Only a man who has no evil in his life and born of a virgin birth away from original sin can achieve this level. Therefore, every man is equally wicked except one man who even history says lived a righteous life.

Finally, once the positive one comes to uplift us. We must recognize his greatness and say, 'I realize that I was wicked, but you have made me new and given me value. My past is in the past, and until I change I will always be in your grace because I could not attain this level on my own. You give me value because now I am still a negative or zero value, but you give me freedom from the others and make me different.' This is the answer to our purpose. Fret and worry not upon the past, but look to the future. For in our lives we have been given talents and abilities from the positive one in our life. Therefore, we must invest good to get good. As for true forgiveness and freedom, it must come from a person who was perfect and suffered upon this world because of our mistakes and imperfections. Our own forgivingness is merely to get us through life, and it is not good for things to come; it is also temporal. Life was never meant to be easy, and no man deserves his life more than another so let the past be the past, I promise you God won't hold it against you if you repent of it.

'Thus he overthrew those cities and the entire plain, including all those living in the cities-and also the vegetations in the land. But Lot's wife looked back, and she became a pillar of salt.'

-Genesis Chapter 19:25-26

What must we do after the death of our old lives of strife? I don't have much to say because the answer is obvious. We must not look back at our troubles. We must look forward towards the end where our final goal is, and a new future awaits us. To look back is certainly death. Do they put blinders on a race horse to look back at dirt already trampled? Does a sprinter look back to see his opponent behind him without losing ground?

We must look at our life, and realize that we are a very different person from what we were before; the difference between who we were then, and who we are now is like night and day, and it is just as they say, "We once were lost, but now we are saved."

'I remember before I was saved, I used to struggle with hate of the world and everything in it, but now I love life and everything in the world, with the exception of sin. Once upon a time, I used to hate God, and I wished for death. However, I have come to realize that God is to be loved for He is my very reason to want to be. Slowly but surely, all of the sins I struggle with dwindle away from me as far as the east and west. I say this because a time ago I used to indulge in a lot of sins, the worst being idolatry, and now I have put aside this sin, finding it repulsive for someone like me who knows better than to worship a dead object. Later, I struggled with lust more and more, but now the battles are won, and I am a much better guiltless person. I call these two the worst sins because they are like pin pricks, and slowly they eat away at your heart taking away from your life, quelling those things you consider sacred, while they defile your mind and turn your heart against God. Then of course, I would have never known these things if it weren't for Christ making right what was wrong in my life, for I would have thought that these things were a part of normal healthy behavior. Because of my change, I have come to realize the difference between right and wrong, and now I understand how truly deprived humanity is, for our morals often change from society to society; we often do what we feel is right. But now that I understand my sinful nature, I live not by the changing morality of society, which changes like the waves in the sea, demonstrating the stability of a "wishy washy" building with no foundation, constantly shifting like time itself and the sands in the desert, for I live by a higher code, and it is called "ethics". To this very day, the ethics of God have carried me better than the morality of society, and since this change I have been a far better person than I once was, only struggling with guilt on occasion from the past sins, the sins I had done as I lived under society's morality. Because my life is structured around the ethics of God, I am a very different person from what I was. Now as I finish, I reiterate that which others have said that applies to my life incredibly, "I once was lost, but now I'm saved;" as of now, the life of my past is as different from my current life as the difference is between night and day. I realize the difference, between who I am now and who I was in the past, every time I look in the mirror.' As stated from "Solidity of Purpose."

In our life, our past may come up again, or we may make another mistake. But when the past regurgitates itself, we must realize that we are loved. We must understand that these things are merely obstacles trying to make us become what we have traveled so far not to be. They are negatives trying to take away our newer value and purpose. Do not look back, otherwise you may find the death you saw in your past, and you will not be free from the circle. You will merely repeat it as the man from the beginning was learning." I don't like reiteration of a point, but this point is important. As well, we must forgive and forget about other mistakes as we would our own.

Chapter Five: Experience

I know where you are coming from. When I was saved, a lot of people taunted me. I was ridiculed for not wanting to have sex before marriage. As I grew older, every relationship I had fell apart. Eventually, I broke up with somebody. In depression, I volunteered to go to Korea. While stationed in Korea, I ended up dating a lot of people looking for a new girlfriend both on and off-base. During this time, I struggled on and off with lust, and those women trying to tempt me had made the struggle tougher, but I had a wall of pride that stopped me as well as my fear of God.

After time, I gave up on looking for a woman. Everyone I went out with wanted me to get drunk, have sex, or make some type of moral decent. I chose not to and in that decided to be alone. Alone I was until one day I was accused of stealing something from an individual I worked with. We got into a fight. God protected me and won the fight for me.

However, Satan came to tempt me afterwards. A "friend" had asked me to go out into town and hang out with him. The wall of pride had then arisen, and I thought that I would not be able to get drunk hanging with him. As we went from club to club, he kept switching my drinks back and forth. I was not paying attention, for my pride said that I was keeping watch and I trusted this person.

The problem is that this was the first nip into the lifestyle of premarital sex that I was trying to avoid. I did not run like I should have and I fell hard. At that point, people were watching to see whether I would get back up. However, I did get back up and it took me years to get back on track, but God got me back on track. I still struggle with sin, but God is there for me, and the struggle is easier. Even now, people are constantly trying to get me to repeat all of my mistakes that I made back in Korea and Japan. I speak from experience; the world has nothing to offer you better than a relationship with God and being married to a God fearing person. Let any man who says different prove it. The world only offers a broken heart and negative consequences such as STDs and so much more.

Chapter Six: My Practice of Principles

In practicing the principles, your life will get difficult. Finding someone may seem almost impossible. However, wouldn't it be better to have that sensitive, understanding mate who will listen to you? Don't fall into the world trap. Even the world will respect someone who upheld their principles in the end even if you do fall. As long as you get back up and keep on track, then everything will be fine.

I am not asking you to trust my words. I am asking you to trust the Bible's words and seek purity and holiness so that you life may be full. Look at the models or pedestals that Hollywood gives us as examples. Do you want to really live like them? I know I don't.

For example, take one actress. She said she did not want to have sex before marriage. Then, when it was exposed that she did, she acted real upset and all of her songs she turned to her wearing scantly clad outfits and she sings about sexual things with others. If she would have just came out and got back on her pledge of purity then she would have gotten back on track and that would have been in her past. She didn't, she immersed her life in more sin publicly and picked up an idol that was on of Americas top notorious female sex symbols plunging deeper into her own sinful nature. My question is, "How happy is this singer now going all the way into a sinful lifestyle?"

Let me be the first to tell you. I am not perfect and I do not have any delusions of grandeur. I have struggled with sin first hand. My biggest battle was with lust. On April 7, 2002 at 2200 (10 PM Korea time), I lost my virginity. In my sadness, I backslid horribly. During my backsliding, I had immersed my self in alcohol and premarital sex. I kept falling into it because I felt guilty, and it has taken me three years to get over that pain. I still struggle with things on and off. However, I have turned away from my lifestyle. I have found accountability friends, I pray constantly, I study the Bible frequently, I meditate on the good things that God brings constantly, and I seek out purity. Yes, I fell, and I am not perfect. Tell who you want just please don't make the same mistakes I have made. My biggest struggle is not looking back to my sinful life.

As you can see, if I followed these principles one hundred percent then I would not have fallen. However, I didn't. I am now in pain from my mistakes, but there is a light. That light that I look forward to is Jesus Christ. We all make mistakes, but to trust in God is my desire. Therefore, we must trust in God. We must look towards purity and press on even though we have sinned. No one is perfect, and God realizes this. For this reason, He has given us His grace, and His grace is sufficient. Don't be entangled by your sin run to His arms.

Chapter Seven: Conclusion

False love is abusive. If you fall into, then you will be destroyed. False love comes into play when you dislodge your priorities and mix them all up. Signs of a false love are sexual abuse, spiritual abuse, physical abuse, mental abuse, and emotional abuse. A relationship built off of any of these principals is asking for death before the relationship even begins. False love also lacks trust.

With these things all said, one must avoid a false love. There are many ways to find true love. It is easy to fall into a false love, but there are many ways to grow into a true love that will grow ever so strong. Just remember GAB. This means God, Avoid, and Build. You know to remember God in all of your relationship matters. Avoid those things that are bad like premarital sex even if you have already made the mistake. Finally, build up the trust; build up the relationship and converse constantly. With these things followed things should go a little bit smoother. Also remember to know the difference between good compromise and ethical compromise. Ethical compromise brings trouble.

Always remember to forgive yourself. Remember to forgive others. Also remember that God has forgiven you. Keep the past in the past. Please learn from my experience. I would not want anyone to fall into the same trap that I have fallen into. A forgiving heart that carries wisdom can go far in remaining pure.

In practicing the principles, your life will get difficult. Finding someone may seem almost impossible. However, it will be well worth the effort. Don't fall into the world trap. Let me be the first to tell you. None are righteous not even one. The only righteous person is Jesus Christ; anyone else is just living off of His sacrifice or unrepentant. This is why Christians have full lives. We live off of God's grace.

Epilogue

That woman mentioned earlier realizes that she has a problem. She does not turn away from her sinful lifestyle. She blinds herself by saying that she is an adult and can do what she wants. She justifies her evil by saying that she is a victim. She never gets back on track and she eventually becomes weak from AIDS, Herpes, Syphilis, and Gonorrhea. Her second child becomes addicted to crack and joins a street gang to make ends meet for himself and his mom. As well, he also has brain damage from the drugs his mom was doing. Later, the woman dies from a cold virus that got out of hand because of her AIDS virus that had already weakened her. The son sees this and turns away from his life style. Eventually, he grows up to be a powerful pastor of a church and is now drug free for 12 years. This is a story that happens often. If only everyone had seen the error of their ways and changed. Then the son would have his mom at least in heaven with him.