Solutions That May Help Reduce Twins Sibling Rivalry

I am the grandparent of twin grandsons that will turn 17 this year on the day before Thanksgiving. I must say they are probably one of the most important things I have to be thankful for each and every year when we celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday. Although they don't actually live in our home, we as their grandparents have always been a big part of their lives and care since day one, so we are quite familiar with the sibling rivalry between these twin boys.

There was sibling rivalry between these two even before they were born. When the doctor confirmed that my daughter-in-law would be having twins, he also informed her this wouldn't be an easy pregnancy. The twins were identical and the way they were lying in the womb, the one was crowding the other one and thus one would be deprived of space and nutrients throughout the pregnancy. A high risk pregnancy, to say the least, this would be.

Just barely into the her 7th month of the pregnancy, the doctors delivered my twin grandsons. On their birth certificate, the time of birth is exactly the same for both of them. When the delivery took place, the two were taken at the very same time, one wasn't waiting for the other one the doctor said. They both wanted out right now. Sibling rivalry has just began.

Although Mathew was the smaller of the two at birth, and continues to be even today, he wasn't going to let his big brother Steven get ahead of him in anything in this world if he could possibly help it. Their interests always seemed to be quite similar as they were growing up. They both liked to compete in the same sports, had the same interest in music etc. In order to define them as two separate individuals, here are some of the solutions the family and the school took to cope with their sibling rivalry as twin brothers.

1. Give them separate gifts: When they quite young, I thought purchasing a game or toy that they could both play it would be fine and they would enjoying playing together. They weren't that old when Steven informed me that he wanted his "own" presents. He didn't like to share presents with his brother. Well, that ended my idea of the "two for one theory". To this day, I always give them their own individual gifts even if it's a giftcard for the same amount and at the same store.

2. One on One Time: Whenever possible I feel it's important to give them each their own one on one time. It's at this time that they are not just the twins, but brothers who want Mom and Dad's individual attention and have a special time to express themselves and any cares and concerns they may each have as individuals.

3. Separate classrooms at school: Most of the schools and teachers do agree that this is a good idea. One of my twin grandsons tended to depend a lot on his twin brother. By separating them when they started school made Mathew more independent and he was able to start developing his own personality. It also made for less arguments among the two of them, as Steven always seemed to think he had to look out for Mathew because he was smaller. Steven was constantly trying to correct Mathew, making him frustrated & angry.

4. Encourage individuality: Just because Mathew likes football doesn't mean Steven may like it. Steven maybe would rather play basketball. Sibling rivalry will be more likely to happen when the twins are both always doing the same things. One may blame the other for a game loss because of his twins failure during the game etc. Don't dress them or expect them to dress alike also encourages them to be more individual I think. Although this is maybe a minor issue and it doesn't happen as much today as it did years ago, I suggest not doing it, especially if you have identical twins in the family. Even though it may cute, these twins are two separate individuals and should be perceived in that manner.

Sources: personal experience