Some Assembly Required

With the holidays coming up, most parents will come home with at least one gift that has those dreaded words on the box: Some Assembly Required. If you have ever had to actually put some toy together, you know why I say they are "dreaded words." None of us ever want to have to put stuff together, but often, we don't have a choice. Many toys that kids want just aren't available unless they are assembled.

Let me tell you about my typical "assembly required" encounters. I don't need to specify one, because they are almost all the same. I am pretty sure that this is the typical "assembly required" experience for most people.

First, almost every time I have to assemble something, there will be a piece missing. It won't be a big piece, but something that is necessary nonetheless. I have had half finished products scattered around my living room for 10 days, waiting for the replacement parts to come in the mail. Of course, when you have something halfway put together, you don't really want to take it back apart, repackage it, and take it back to the point of purchase. Wal-Mart also tends to frown on the idea of opening one of the other boxes in the store to remove a single bolt that you need to complete your project. So, in the end, you have to sit and wait on Fed Ex, if you are lucky or the Pony Express if you are me.

Second, I never have all the right tools. Now, I consider myself to be somewhat handy, and I have most "normal" tools. I have a hammer, a variety of screwdrivers, wrenches and a socket set. I even have a wide selection of Allen wrenches. But, without fail, there will be some tool that I need, that I don't have. I'll never understand why manufacturers think a torx head on a screw is somehow better than a Phillips head. I think it is because everyone has a Phillips head screwdriver! Maybe it's a conspiracy between the manufacturer of toys and the manufacturers of tools.

Third, if there are two possible ways for something to go together, I will do it backwards every time. Now, that may not sound too bad, but after you put something on, take it off, move to the next piece, put it on backwards, and take it off, and put it back on (you get the picture), an assembly job ends up taking two or three times longer than it should. Granted, this one may be part my fault, but I put much of the blame directly on the manufactures...see the next point for an explanation of that blame.

Fourth, almost all toys are now made overseas. Why is that a problem? Most instructions are written in some foreign language (normally Chinese) and then translated into English. These instructions are nearly impossible to follow, and you end up trying to "make it up as you go." Perhaps a brighter person could get it the first time, but it usually takes me 2 or three tries. Some products have no written instructions. They have only pictures. Much better you say. Not usually. Most of the time, these pictures are indecipherable. You can stare at them for 10 minutes, and only then realize that they are upside down. It would be much more helpful if "this side up" was written in English instead of Chinese.

Eventually, I usually get these gifts put together, but it is never a pleasant experience. My practice has become to spend the extra 10 bucks and get the product assembled by the store. It saves me time, and a huge headache. If you are smart, you won't take a box home that says, "Some Assembly Required."