Some of the Dumbest Song Lyrics Ever Written

There are way too many songs with dumb lyrics to go through them all. But here are a few that make me want to hunt down the dimwits who wrote these songs, grab them by the throat, and smack the crap out of them.

Bang a Gong by Marc Bolan

Get it on
Bang a gong
Get it on

I know what it means to "get it on" and I know what a gong is; but unless I am missing something here, I cannot for the life of me understand why I would want to bang a gong while getting it on. Smoking a bong while getting it on makes a hell of a lot more sense! Nevertheless, I am willing to give it a try if indeed it will enhance the whole getting it on experience. If anyone out there has banged a gong while getting it on, please let me know how it went.

Chicago (That Toddlin' Town) by Fred Fisher

I saw a man
He danced with his wife
In Chicago, Chicago my home town

Chicago is my home town and I have certainly seen men dancing with their wives in the Windy City at one point or another. But is the act of men dancing with their wives unique to Chicago? Don't men dance with their wives in other cities? Can't a man boogie with his honey in say, Omaha? Certainly there are married couples engaging in that mindless line-dancing crap in Nashville. This one really bothers me.

Brand New Key by Melanie

I got a brand new pair of roller skates
You got a brand new key

I'm pretty sure this one has sexual connotations, but the idea of roller skating hardly gets the juices flowing. I mean what the hell does a pair of roller skates represent on a woman? Does a guy ever say, "Wow, look at the roller skates on her!"? And does a chick ever really wonder if a guy's key will fit her skates? Why not something a bit more direct and to the point? For instance, "Get it on, bang a gong, get it on."

Midnight at the Oasis by David Nichturn

Midnight at the oasis
Send your camel to bed

This extremely dumb and annoying song just brings up a lot of questions. Do camels have beds? Is midnight the normal bedtime for camels? Can you really send a camel to bed? I mean, if you tell a camel, "Go to bed," does it understand? Don't you pretty much have to take the camel to bed? And what the hell are you doing with a camel anyway? Dumb song. Dumb lyrics.

MacArthur Park by Jimmy Webb

Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again
Oh, no!

OK, I would probably be pretty upset if some dumbass left my cake out in the rain. I do love cake provided it is not soggy. But Jeez, get over it! How friggin' long does it take to bake a cake anyway and why will you never have the damn recipe again? Did you lose it in a divorce settlement? If you get that worked up over baked goods, it's no wonder she divorced your sorry ass. Now shut up and have a Twinkie!

Ironic by Alanis Morissette and Glen Ballard

It's a black fly in your Chardonnay
It's a death row pardon two minutes too late
Isn't it ironic ... don't you think?

First off, implying that finding a black fly in your Chardonnay is on a par with getting a death row pardon two minutes too late is just plain sick. There is nothing worse than finding bugs in your drink. Yuck! Secondly, Alanis apparently doesn't know the meaning of the word ironic. Neither discovering a fly in your wine nor receiving a tardy call from the Governor represent irony. It simply sucks...just like this song.