Some of My Favorite Quotes on TV

You have to be half-drunk, half-smart or half-attentive to believe some of the things that are said on TV. It must be evident to advertisers and politicians alike that we are either unable to comprehend English or we are just not paying attention. They will say anything that suits their purpose, so long as it is legal. That would include ridiculous statements that really challenge our intelligence, but ridiculous statements are fine so long as it works to their purposes.

Here are some of my favorite quotes from television:

Do you want a free car?

There is a local car dealer who personally does most of his advertisements. He says in his TV ad for you to go out and find your best offer from another dealer, and if he can't beat that offer he says, "I will just give it to you." Don't hold your breath! This ad is probably intended for someone not paying attention because this dealer would never have a reason to give anybody a car. Any valid offer you can obtain will be countered by an offer of one dollar less than the offer you obtained but this dealer does not intend to give a car away.

Gold cost how much?

My all-time favorite line is in a commercial promoting gold. As the commercial moves along it sounds fairly reasonable but then they throw out my favorite line and lose all credibility. What is the line that will cause you to buy gold..."and the price of gold has never been zero". What a fantastic piece of salesmanship. Of course the price has never been zero.

What does "hope and change" mean to you?

Politicians like to use this technique too. Barack Obama uses "hope and change" in most of his speeches. Can you define "hope and change"? It means anything you want it to. If you are a liberal and want liberal judges then you believe that Obama will change the courts with more liberal appointments. If you are conservative and want conservative judges then you believe that Obama will change the courts with conservative appointments. Obama will never appoint conservative judges but each individual defines "hope and change" in their own way and for their own purpose because Obama is careful to not define it.

Gloves are critical evidence...but not in this case

The most notable line used in recent years was when a now famous deceased lawyer said in a court trial, "If the glove does not fit, then you must acquit." The only way this line would ever work was if at least one juror needed a reason, any reason, to acquit. Johnny Cochran gave the jurors that reason. The validity of that reason (the glove fitting) was insignificant. Cochran knew this and provided the jury the reason that they needed.

How do you score on this test?

Our gullibility and inattentiveness are the reasons this nonsense works. We routinely accept statements and persuasive arguments without ever saying how ridiculous the statements are. Advertisers, lawyers, salesmen and politicians are all more than willing to test the gullibility of the American public. So far we have not been rising to the challenge very well.