Some Insiders on Women for Guys

There are many secrets that us women have, and we prefer to keep it that way. But, some insight might be helpful to the male gender every now and again, just for reference.

1. "No" does not mean "Yes, eventually," and if we say "Maybe," we really mean "No."
This really is not that hard to figure out. Okay, so sometimes a "no" might be persuaded into a "yes", but this rarely happens. When we say "no", we mean "no." And "maybe" means "we are not interested," but we are trying to be polite and hope you get the hint.

2. It is every 28 days.
If you do not know what I am talking about, then move on. But you should know what I am talking about. Do not be surprised when Day 28 rolls around, and do not take it as a personal attack. Do you really think we women enjoy Day 28? Multiply how much you hate it by 10 and you are still not even close.

3. Whether it is yoga, knitting, or ice-skating, you do not have to like our hobbies. But if you make fun of them, we will make you join in.
We sit and patiently watch (or at least pretend to) all of your sports games throughout the week. We know not to make fun of your obsession over Donovan McNabb (at least, not in front of your face). Do us the same courtesy. Otherwise, grab a yoga mat and prepare to salute the sun!

4. We think about sex as much as you do, maybe more. We are simply covert about it.
Women love sex just as much as men. When we see something that turns us on, sure, we start fantasizing. But we keep it to ourselves, without verbal commentary or physical gestures. It is actually sexier that way because no one knows what we are thinking about.

5. More often than not, we use an adjective before your name when we talk to our friends about you, as in Squishy Steve, Flaccid Frank, Freakshow Charlie, or Perfect Paul. Makes you wonder, huh?
Sorry, but our friends want to know about you, in graphic detail. And we are happy to share with them, in graphic detail. Nicknames are inevitable. Things become inside jokes. Never ask what your nickname is though. Just know you have one and that you are better off not knowing what it is.

6. We are never as drunk as we act, so be careful.
There is nothing so fun and liberating as getting a couple drinks in us and then letting all hell break loose. We know exactly what we are saying and doing. Because we are aware that we can blame it on the alcohol later on, thus redeeming ourselves (if only slightly).

7. Somewhere between The Vagina Monologues and Beauty and the Beast resides our notion of femininity. So, you know, good luck with that.
Inside every woman resides two sides: the hardcore feminist, striving for equality and women's rights; and the eight-year-old girl who still believes in fairytales. We cannot help but wanting it all.

8. We get over you sooner than you think. Officially, that is.
Within 48 hours of parting ways, we are busy claiming our independence and letting the entire world know that we are back on the market. We tout our freedom and exclaim the exalting liberation we feel now that the old "ball and chain" has been let go of. We are busy working our feminine wiles and flaunting our goods. We are moving on with our lives.

9. We never get over you. Six years later, we still get sniffly when we spot a first edition of your favorite novel. We buy it and keep it on our shelf, in case you come back.
If we had a lengthy relationship full of ups and downs, yet full of love and emotion, then like it or not, but you will always have a special place in our hearts. Once women give their hearts away, it never fully comes back to them. We will always miss you and love you on some level, and secretly harbor a hope, no matter how small it is, that one day you will come to your senses and find your way back to our waiting arms.

10. We thought we would end up with someone hotter, too.
So you are not Brad Pitt, but we are resigned to the fact that we are not Angelina Jolie either. How about if we just pretend otherwise? The truth of the matter is, we find all of your non-Brad Pitt-esque features quite endearing, and just as appealing. We hope you return the sentiment.