Some Kind of Magical

i'm not used to this stillness wrapped around me
not sure how to move in it
and make it move with me

tentative steps, and it stays there
some kind of comfort in the dark
it isn't light
but it lights the way for me

i never found solace in any words but my own
it's like jumping off a cliff and not falling.

this is calm striking out amid the chaos
taking hold of the things i thought i knew and tossing them
aside to make room for the things i threw away
no second-guessing, now
this is life, and this is where we are.

the stars will be there when we're ready
watching us through half-closed eyes, they're lazy things
they'll wait for us to come.

i think i might have known this was there.
i think i might have known that someday
i'd be able to think again
i'd crawl out of the stupor i'd crept into by necessity
and reach out toward the things i used to need

there is a book beside my bed-white oleander
and i see myself in ingrid, though it's hard
i am not in there, anymore
i fought the madness, and the brilliance had to fall

i think i might be coming back
together
i think i might have found some way to keep the
words alive, the art, the fire, the passion
rage, the most amazing kind
and still be here
in something still
and real.